A Fox in Every Hen House, Part 2

Wait There’s More

Knee-deep in the swamp
December 14, 2016

Chrump’s Self-Congratulatory Masturbatory Misery Tour

Chrump continues to crisscross and double-cross the country on his Self-Congratulatory Masturbatory Misery Tour. When not busy tweeting economically and politically dangerous and/or idiotic drivel, or meeting with important dignitaries like Kanye, the Electoral College-president-elect seems to be continuing to campaign. He is probably testing the waters, which will soon be undrinkable, for his 2020 “Just Give Me One More Chance To Make Amerika Great Again Again - The First Four Years Were Obama’s Fault” campaign. He continues to claim that he won the election in a landslide. This would be the first landslide in political history where the winner of said landslide prevailed by getting three million – or 2% - FEWER votes. Math and democracy are for losers.

Chrump’s continuing effort to destroy the very fabric of our Constitution, our society and our planet continues apace as he fills his cabinet with the most specifically inappropriate picks for each and every major post with very few exceptions. It seems clear that there are several major criteria for getting onto team Chrump. 1) have a history of at least allegations of assaulting women, 2) be filthy rich and/or a multi-million dollar donor to Chrump and/or a denizen of Goldman-Sacks with a greedy streak a mile wide, 3) be a right-wing extremist, 4) be a Fux News alum, 5) believe at least 25 insane conspiracy theories, and/or 6) have a treasonous hard-on for Vladimir Putin. Here are some more of Chrump’s picks for killing what George Washington called The Great Experiment:

One Bad Apple Don't Spoil The Bunch, What About Twenty?

Linda MacMahon/Small Business Administration – World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. co-founder, anti-worker, anti-union, anti-small business, hates paying her workers or giving them health insurance.

Chrump, Mr. Linda MacMahon and one black guy Chrump won’t f*#k with

Oh I almost forgot, MacMahon is a long-time business associate of Chrump’s – going back to the 1980s – who happened to donate six million dollars to a Chrump super PAC. MacMahon and her husband are the single largest outside donors to the Trump Foundation to the tune of $5 million. Chrump of course uses that money to buy paintings of himself and pay off lawsuit settlements, which he says he never settles.

Chrump doing who-knows-what in the ring 

Scott Pruitt/Environmental Protection Agency – Oklahoma attorney general, pioneer in turning government over to corporate special interests, climate science and regulation denier, who has spent most of his career fighting the EPA (I guess he finally won) and who is so far up big oil’s ass that he bleeds crude, joined other conservative AGs who sued to block Obama’s Clean Power Plan. But it’s okay because Chrump met with Earth’s lobbyist Al Gore before nominating Kill The Earth lobbyist Pruitt. There have been over 1,900 earthquakes in Pruitt’s home state in 2016 thanks in no small part to what I will, with tremendous self-restraint, politely refer to as the resource extraction industry. Luckily there’s only time for about 85 more this year. I’m sure it will all stop in 2017.

Andy Puzder/Labor secretary – fast-food CEO, strongly opposes a federal minimum wage. For some added spice, his then-wife accused him of domestic abuse on at least two occasions in the mid-1980s. Earlier this year Puzder waxed pathetic about replacing low-skill workers in a fully automated restaurant in an interview with Business Insider, “They're always polite, they always upsell, they never take a vacation, they never show up late, there's never a slip-and-fall, or an age, sex, or race discrimination case,” he said of the robots who might run his restaurants in the future. Really, who could blame him for hating on all those greedy minimum-wagers, keeping that big money out of the hands of their overlords incredibly wealthy CEOs.

Dr. Ben Carson/Housing and Urban Development – the sleepy surgeon will ply his skill surgically separating poor people from the social safety net.

Rex Tillerson/Secretary of State – current CEO of Exxon (you may have heard of them) who has only ever worked for Exxon since the 1970s, introduced to Chrump by ex-oil tanker Condoleezza Rice, personally awarded the Order of Friendship medal, the highest honor given to non-Russian citizens by Vladimir Putin in 2013 (at least it wasn’t last week), spent time at Putin’s vacation home to sign a $500 billion deal between Exxon (who we now know deliberately lied to the American people and Congress about climate change research since the ‘70s) and a Russian-owned oil company but could not complete the deal because of sanctions against Russia (who– according to the CIA and 16 other national intelligence agencies – interfered with our presidential election in order to get Chrump elected; congressional leaders were informed of this prior to election day, but we were denied knowing about this prior to the election because Mitch McConnell – whose wife “subsequently” got a cabinet appointment – decided the American public did not have a right to know. Mitch McConnell, who promised to obstruct a non-Russian-backed president from getting anything done for eight effing years. That Mitch McConnell.)

Tillerson and friend…or is it lover

Anyone who thinks they can do business with this greedy, morbidly-narcissistic despot – Chump, not Putin – (I’m talking to you Al Gore, et al) is dumber than first-term Obama who thought he could find common ground with Republican’ts who only wanted him dead and/or gone from day one, and never stopped.

According to Carl Bernstein, who knows a thing or two about lying, sociopathic presidents said, “Richard Nixon was nothing in terms of lying, compared to what we have seen from Donald Trump. What we have seen throughout the campaign is pathological disdain for the truth, the kind of lie and ease with lying that we have not seen before. Bernstein, who broke open the Watergate cover-up added, “Trump lives and thrives in a fact-free environment. No president, including Richard Nixon, has been so ignorant of fact and disdains fact in the way this president-elect does, and it has something to do with the growing sense of authoritarianism that he and his presidency are projecting, and the danger of it is obvious, and he’s trying to make the conduct of the press the issue, not his own conduct.”

To wit, Hair Chrump is preparing to purge the Energy Department of anyone who has dared to engage in anything to do with science and/or climate change remediation or clean energy. Energy Department officials declined to provide any such information. Climate scientists are now busy with the important business of copying all their data in fear it may be confiscated or as they say in Russia – disappeared – by Chrump’s Climate Gestapo or other anti-fact squads as they emerge in Chrump’s Grave New World.

Chrump takes aim at climate change and the environment

Speaking of Soviet-style exploits Chrump has seen to it that all national parks – public spaces – in the DC are unavailable to the Million Women’s March. Large portions of the national mall and Pennsylvania Avenue, the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial will be open for the inauguration festivities, but will not be available for protesters per Chrump’s demands. I am sure they will make available some terrific “Free Speech Zones”, as delineated in the Constitution’s First Amendment, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion with the possible exception of Christianity, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof with the possible exception of Islam; or abridging the freedom of speech of certain select individuals, or of the dishonest press as long as they are saying the right things; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble in certain arbitrarily selected locales, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances so long as there is no expectation of reply.

The Cabinet of Contemptables is not full yet. Still plenty of space on the shelves. Stay tuned for Rick “Oops” Perry at the Department of Energee-whiz and lord knows what other 4 Watt bulbs to complete the seep weep sweep. And with Perry in charge at Energy, what could possibly go wrong, other than him swallowing his own head?

I. Mangrey reporting. I’m so tired. My mind is on the blink.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

A Pause in The Disaster

A Very Busy Man

December 14, 2016

Presi-don’t-elect Don Chrump (R-Russia) says he is too busy filling his cabinet with the worst-of-the-worst to hold a press conference. He promised to speak to the press, and theoretically the Amerikan public about his endless – potentially dangerous and treasonous – conflicts of interest. Surprisingly – only to Mr. Chrump – he cancelled the event, claiming he was too busy while simultaneously managing to squeeze in a multi-city Self-Congratulatory Masturbatory Misery Tour. Too busy to talk to the press or any part of the public not frothing at the mouth about having elected the most disliked, distrusted, incompetent, disinterested creature to ever run for the highest office in the land. And what do you know, now Chrumpenstein has managed to find enough time to fit in an emergency meeting with fellow narcissist/asshole Kanye Waste (I think that’s how it’s spelled). This meeting, which must have been absolutely critical to the transition of power over to Russia, was hastily scheduled and no official details have been forthcoming. Our sources say that both men spoke for approximately 30 minutes…at the same time. There was unsurprisingly no listening done, just a half hour of two men talking, with absolute disregard for the other man in the room. As it should be, though many remain curious about the purpose of the “meeting” of the mines. I’m not sure if Kanye oranged his hair before the meeting, to get the meeting or if Chrump’s stuff rubbed off on him.

The funny thing is, a huge majority of Americans wish he would stop filling his Cabinet From Hell.

Pouty McFuckface and Kanye Worst (I think that’s how it’s spelled)

 

Don Chrump is nothing if not a cagey conman. He figured bringing an unlikely celebrity (no other musician will have anything to do with the Orange Gas Cloud, let alone consider performing at his inaugural) to his tower would distract the easily distracted Amerikan public from the day’s big news – that the Turkish PM was trying to influence US foreign policy by threatening Chrump’s business dealings in Turkey. Nobody could have anticipated such a thing happening, with the possible exception of just about everyone.

So Let Me Get This Straight

Vladimir Putin is personally hacking Amerika – not just Democrats, Republican’ts, elections, probably the antiquated power grid and who knows what else. He doesn’t have to bother hacking Chrump since Don doesn’t even know how to use a computer. And everything that passes through the tabula rasa between his ears ends up on Twitter or simply shouted maniacally in public. Given this new information I would have to say that Putin is a much stronger leader than Hair Chrump. The guy who flogged the birther bullshit is practically doing the Full Lewinski with Putin and he gets offended when anyone comments on it.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Welcome to Alt-Reality

The Party of Chrumpelstiltskin

Alt-Reality
December 13, 2016

Chrump promised all his alt-Reich followers that he would “drain the swamp.” Funny story: Chrump is not so much draining the swamp, just dosing it with orange dye and digging it deeper so it can hold more muck. It’s almost like everything he said on the campaign trail was a pathological lie. Longtime watchers of money in politics cannot recall any president in recent history who has filled a Cabinet with so many major donors. Paying Attention got an exclusive interview with The Swamp, “Mr. Chrump is simply disgusting. At least a swamp is a naturally occurring micro-environment. What the hell is Chrump? He commits crime, he’s a rapist. Sometimes, I assume, he’s not a horrible person, but I’m going to find out if there is some way I can drain the Chrump. It’s like lancing an infected boil. He makes a swamp look like a clear mountain spring. Definitely not the kind where they get Chrump Water. I am going to sue him for slander. That’s all for now, you can talk to my lawyer.”

Chrumpelstiltskin – the sociopathic imp of lore,
now president-elect of Amerika

While lying about something to an interviewer Chrumpelstiltskin said, "I never said that. What do I know? All I know is what I see on the internet. He started it!" Chrumpelstiltskin believes the craziest shit he sees on the internets. And he believes he can turn the fetid garbage in his head into gold. What he does not believe (besides facts in general) is anything that does not comport with the bull-goose-loony voices in his head. The most recent example being conclusive evidence that Russia was interfering with our election. Let me guess, if Russia had been tilting the playing field for Clinton, we would have seen the straw-turned-to-whatever-the-fuck-is-attached-to-his-head burst into flames. Twitter would have blown up a thousand times. Chrumpelstiltskin would have left the gold-encrusted safety of his apartment to whine on every talk show from here to Moscow.



Former CIA Acting Director, Mike Morell (George W. Bush’s CIA Briefer on 9/11) told Suzanne Kelly of The Cipher Brief, that Russia's interference in our general election process was [is?] "an existential threat to our way of life" and is the "political equivalent of 9/11." In response to a report signed onto by all 17 national intelligence agencies (Wow, they admit to having 17 intelligence agencies? I wouldn’t want to guess at the real number.) proving what Russia did during the election, and in light of the fact that Chrump is not bothering to get daily – or even weekly – security briefings his Royal Dumbass countered, “I don’t have to be told – you know, I’m, like, a smart person. I don’t have to be told the same thing and the same words every single day for the next eight years. It could be eight years – but eight years. I don’t need that.” Yes, he is like a smart person; the only real difference is that he is an idiot. He is like an idiot savant, without any savant. The last “president” who decided to ignore CIA intel was George W. Bush on August 4, 2001, or if you prefer, Dick Cheney after September 2001 when he created his own super-secret CIA to tell him what he wanted to hear so he could invade Iraq for Halliburton. The bottom line is no one should be the least bit surprised that Chrump is opposed to intelligence for reasons too ridiculously obvious to even bother hinting at or jesting about.

Hyperbole? Only time will tell…
We should know fairly soon. 

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Out Of Time

It Was the Worst of Times, It Was the Very Worst of Times

Wrong Side of the Looking Glass
December 12, 2016

Time magazine, fearing they might otherwise die a death by a thousand Chrump tweets (and that would just be the first day), if they did not make Chrump Person of the Year, put him on the cover. Chrump of course still had to whine about it because he believes "Person of the Year" is too politically correct – you know, like not starting a pissing match with China over Taiwan, or not conspiring with Russia and the FBI and the alt-Reich to steal an election, or picking Putin's buddy, the CEO of Exxon to be Secretary of Fucking State – and should be changed back to "Man of The Year." Sure, why not? We are on the wrong side of the looking glass so why fight it? Because many of us still remember the other side of the looking glass, that’s why.

 

Hair Chrump simply cannot abide Alec Baldwin’s superb impression. Chrump tweets his childish displeasure every time Baldwin crushes it. Well guess what Rumplechrumpstain, considerably more people than the number who voted for you love it. Get over it and get over your miserable self. Baldwin is not going away and he is not alone.

Please excuse me, I have to go take a Chrump.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Filling the Final Cabinet

Uncle Ben’s Contorted Advice

December 10, 2016

Dr. Ben Carson believes that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain and that being gay is “absolutely” a choice. In defense of Carson, simultaneously being a brain surgeon and complete doofus is not a choice. However, since Mental Ben is no longer a brain surgeon I suppose all bets are off. During the primaries Chrump called Carson “pathological” and compared him to a child molester.

Chrump has now nominated Carson, to head Housing and Urban Development. Sounds like a perfect fit. You know the old saying, “Pathological child molesters of a feather…” Carson may have said in response to the nomination, “I may not have the slightest idea how to run a huge government agency with thousands of employees and billions of dollars to work with, or have any idea what a government or government agency actually is, but I’m sure if I put my mind to it and can keep my eyes open for a few minutes every day that I can make this work. As you may know I am an urban person myself. I believe that being poor is a choice, as is being black.”

Carson, who benefitted from welfare payments and food stamps as a child said, “Obamacare is really, I think, the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. it is slavery in a way because it is making all of us subservient to the government.” Carson is on record as opposing welfare and food stamps because they breed dependency. He must be made of stronger stuff.

Supporters say that since Carson spent part of his childhood in public housing, which he shared in his autobiography, he is qualified to run HUD. The funny part is that Carson did not spend any of his childhood in public housing even though his autobiography says he did. Ben should have a long talk with the author.

I. Mangrey reporting, crying, nauseated and fighting off seizures.

Generally Frightening

Verrrrrry Flynnteresting…But Stupid

In the weeds
December 9, 2016

Verrrrrrrrrrry dangerous…but screwy

As promised, we now pay special attention to a special Chrump advisor. In what appears to be an attempt to put the military in charge of most of our government Chrump is stocking up on generals for positions typically held by civilians. Chrump’s pick for National Security Advisor is Gen. Mike Flynn, who was dismissed from his post at the Defense Intelligence Agency because he didn’t play well with others. Flynn, who Chrump considered as a running mate, has opined, “Fear of Islam is RATIONAL (sic)” (and SICK). Flynn seems to want to mix it up with just about every Arab nation. He has said that, “Islam is a political ideology. It is a political ideology. It definitely hides behind this notion of being a religion.” Mike Flynn called Islam “a malignant cancer” – which coincidentally is the same thing Rick Perry said about Donald Chrump.

Gen. Mike Flynn and his vision of Utopia

Flynn was hired by Obama to run the DIA and then fired for incompetence and pushing conspiracy theories. Flynn also leaked classified information (Lock Him Up?), yet was one of the most outspoken haters of Hillary Clinton and her damn emails. The general was known by co-workers for “Flynn facts – hyperbolic statements that were not grounded in reality.” Thanks Obama.

Flynn has been a frequent guest on Russian state television and sat next to Vladimir Putin at a gala honoring Putin’s propaganda machine. Flynn says Russian state television is no different than MSNBC. His upcoming job, National Security Advisor a) need not be vetted or confirmed by Congress and b) is typically one of the president’s closest advisors on a daily basis. Since Chrump cannot be bothered with daily security briefings I guess Flynn will be handling everything himself. Flynn also claims China and North Korea have ties to Jihadists. One might call this an axis of evil if one were delusional like George W. Bush or some such thing. And what a lucky sonofabitch Bush is. Once Chrump is done with this country he will make Bush, Jr. look like Abraham Lincoln. And Amerika look like Japan after a fly-over by the Enola Gay.

This sociopathic idiot has a son – his chief-of-staff – who is even more ensconced in the same swamp (there is more than one swamp that needs draining) of conspiracy theories including the one about Hillary Clinton and John Podesta running a child sex-slave ring out of two DC pizza parlors connected by an underground tunnel. A fellow loony from North Carolina decided to “self-investigate” and showed up at one location armed with an assault rifle, firing shots into the floor presumably to injure whoever was in the non-existent tunnel below. Flynn and son are inseparable and the younger fruitcake is already part of the Chrump transition team for whom they requested a security clearance.*

Like father…

Like spawn…

A chip off the old blockhead
 

*Or at least he was until this story broke. Now he has to be an unofficial advisor. I guess he will have to settle for being part of the actual administration. As for Flynn, Sr., he is reported to have pushed fake news 16 times since August. No word yet on his transition team status. Oh, did I mention that Flynn, Sr.’s new post is one of the single most influential positions in the cabinet? No biggie.

Gen. Barry McCaffrey (Ret), originally very supportive of Flynn’s appointment as National Security Advisor apparently decided it might be worth doing a little research on Flynn – after endorsing him. I might have done the research first, but what do I know? I’m not a general, I’m a specific. After getting a snoot full of some of Flynn’s tweets McCaffrey said, “I think that we need to aggressively examine what was going on with Gen. Flynn and his son, dealing with these transparent, nearly demented tweets that were going out. I think it needs closer scrutiny.” Ya think?

This promises to be an exciting ride. I recommend stocking up on canned goods and bottled alcohol.

I. Mangrey reporting. Ketchup is not a vegetable.

Party Like It’s 1933 or 1984

Making the Fatherland Great Again

1933Land
December 8, 2016

Chrump spokesmoron Scottie Nell Hughes revved up her word sprayer to set Amerika straight, “One thing that has been interesting this entire campaign season to watch, is that people that say facts are facts, they’re not really facts. Everybody has a way, it’s kind of like looking at ratings or looking at a glass of half-full water (sic). Everybody has a way of interpreting them to be the truth or not true, there’s no such thing, unfortunately, anymore of (sic) facts.” I’m feeling a little faint, somebody get me a glass of half-full water.

I am Der President

Fact-Free Facist Fathead

As Chrump begins his stomach-turning, mind-numbing Electoral-College-victory-In-Your-Face tour, reliving his big league half-victory – as Clinton’s popular vote lead closes in on three million – ridiculing his former opponent, continuing to demonize the media who in fact catapulted him into his current position, and continuing his brutal assault on reality, one cannot help but be reminded of another orator who thrived on fear and ignorance to build his cult of sociopathic personality.

Chrump continues to whip his gullible, perpetually and unrepentantly fact-averse minions into a frenzy with assaults on the First Amendment, the Fourth Estate, the Fourteenth Amendment, decades of foreign policy protocol most notably with China and Pakistan, 240 years of American democracy and thousands of years of human evolution. In an attempt to distract from his foreign policy insanity Hair Chrump showed his chops on domestic policy insanity:

Not everyone shares Chrump’s vision for a more fascist Amerika…

Then there’s Kellyanne Conway with some friends and their begging-to-be-burned flag-wear:

Shameless hypocrites one and all.

And I’m old enough to remember when this patriotic gentleman was excoriated for displaying the flag. I guess that was before it was fashionable…

Another in a Long Line of…Whatever

In February 1905 Friedrich Trump (or was it Drumpf?), a German, was ordered to leave the kingdom of Bavaria within eight weeks as punishment for having failed to do mandatory military service and failing to give authorities notice of his departure to the US when he first emigrated in 1885. So draft dodging and an inability to play by the rules is just Chrumps being Chrumps. Well, at least little Don came by his draft evasion and disregard of the laws of his land honestly. I’m guessing that is the only thing we can say that about.

Chrump’s father was arrested at a Ku Kux Klan rally in 1927, and listed in the arrest report as one of the "berobed marchers" arrested at the event. Well, at least little Don came by his dislike of “The Blacks” honestly. I’m guessing that is the only thing we can say that about. At least (as far as we know) his kids only shoot defenseless endangered animals. And they do it for fun, not because they hate defenseless endangered animals. I assume.

Like grandfather, like father, like son?

American banks stopped lending money to Chrump many years ago because he did not pay his debts. This is why he is up to his hair-weave in debt to Russia, China and who knows who else. Very presidential. Chrump’s latest gambit is telling everyone that he is totally removing himself from his family business while leaving it in the completely unrelated hands of his children. “I have decided to do the right thing and create a blind trust, well not a blind trust but a bullshit trust. It’s the same thing. I promise you. I have nothing to do with my children, just ask them. So see, it’s fine. They run the business, I run the country, I have no idea what they’re doing with the business and I have no idea what I’m doing with the country. Everybody wins, or at least the Chrump brand does which is the point after all. You are welcome Amerika.”

It’s not hyperbole when they behave so similarly

Thanks to Chrump’s little con in Indiana, the people of Indiana just bailed out a bunch of corporate executives to the tune of $7M. Actually, Pence did the heavy lifting and Chrump took the credit. The story of his life. And the real heavy lifting was setting up all the smoke and mirrors since very few real Amerikan jobs were saved and hundreds of jobs are still going to Mexico. Both Bernie Sanders and Sarah Palin called it crony capitalism. Chrump is surely a man of the people, just so long as those people are corporations.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA