Saturday, January 28, 2017

The Alternative Alternative

Washington, We Have a Problem

Lost in Place
January 28, 2017
I have been very hard on presIDent Chrump lo these many months since first he oozed onto the scene as a political force/farce. Now though it pains me greatly, I must give the man some credit. He has been in office for an entire week now and we are not all dead. This will go down as the greatest achievement of his doomed administration. Still, I eagerly await our new president paying a visit to Dallas, and driving past a book depository or perhaps a grassy knoll or two.
Upside Meet Down
We are through the looking glass and the looking glass is through. Kaput. We will be lucky if we ever find our way back from Chrump’s alt-reality. Since at least the 1960s the Left has been harping on the dark side of the CIA. The CIA has been implicated – at least – in meddling with governments across the globe, from Chile to Iran, from Venezuela to Vietnam, the list goes on. CIA has been instrumental in propping up all manner of brutal nut-job dictators. Watchdog and whistleblower patriots were mocked by everyone on the Right at every turn. How dare we question American intelligence (now one of the oxy-est-of-morons). How dare we accuse the CIA of improper behavior. Now Chrump is attacking the intelligence community the same way he treats global climate change. Anything that does not emanate from the fetid swirling winds blowing unobstructed within the recess between his orange ears is simply not to be trusted. He knows more about every subject than the experts. You name it he knows it. At least within the context of his own personal reality.
Topsy, Meet Turvy
More recently the Left’s applause for operations like Julian Assange’s Wikileaks for exposing government misbehaviors was vehemently condemned by the Right as anti-American. Now Hair Chrump, who in 2010 said of Wikileaks "I think it's disgraceful, I think there should be like death penalty or something," now says “Wikileaks, I love Wikileaks”, Sean Hannity who whined about Obama not putting a stop to Assange’s leaks today beams "I believe everything he says", Sarah Palin who called Assange an “anti-American operative with blood on his hands” and many who ridiculed those who sympathized with Julian Assange are elevating Assange as a hero and a truth-teller after Assange did yeoman work aiding and abetting Putin’s now successful efforts to damage Hillary Clinton’s campaign and support the election of Chrump. Maybe they were right about Assange.
I Love it When You Talk Vote-y
One of the latest objects of Chrump’s afflictions is voter fraud (it is simply impossible to keep up with this sociopathic hairball) – the non-existent crime of illegally casting votes. This dangerous threat to our democracy has been found to occur approximately .0009% of the time. While there are considerably more cases of faulty voter registration, the actual casting of illegal votes, nothing to speak of unless you Don Chrump. Funny story though – Steve Bannon, Sean Spicer, Jared Kushner and Tiffany Chrump all are registered to vote in more than one state. There is no actual evidence that any of these ne’er-do-wells voted in more than one state, but Paying Attention has uncovered incontrovertible alternative evidence of just that. We have it on very good – the best in fact – alternative authority that all of these individuals, and in alternative fact, many millions – trust us on this – many millions of Chrump voters voted illegally.
Chrump lost the popular vote by three million, so he figures that there must have been three million illegal votes cast. Makes sense to someone who insists that any news that is contrary to his beliefs is fake news, that any votes for his opponents must be fake votes. It is only in a futile effort to appear reasonable that he is not saying that seventy million illegal votes were cast.
This pathetic little man, who still has not gotten over the lack of an Emmy, which he blamed on…rigged voting, cannot and will not let go of the actual fact that the crowd at his inaugural was smaller than his hands…or his whatever. He assaulted the CIA with his mewling, he dragged an ABC interviewer over to a specially prepared photo of his big day – framed, and complete with an authentic Chrump tweet.

Notice how the picture is cut off right at the point where Chrump’s tiny crowd peters out.
Also notice the wrong date. I guess the stupid is contagious.  
Remember when he said of Obama (remember him?), "Why doesn't he show his birth certificate? There's something on that birth certificate that he doesn't like"? It was March 23, 2011. Why doesn’t Chrump show his taxes? There’s something on those taxes that he doesn’t like. Remember when Chrump said of the birth certificate, "We're looking into it very, very strongly. At a certain point in time I'll be revealing some interesting things"? It was April 21, 2011. Now he is looking into voter fraud very strongly and claims he will be revealing some interesting things. At a certain point in time. Right after we see Obama’s alternative birth certificate and Chrump’s actual tax returns.
And by the way, when do we get to hear his “very beautiful” “foolproof” plan to eliminate ISIS “very quickly”?
I. Mangrey reporting. My stomach is pounding and my head is in knots.
                                                                                                         Mad in USA

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