Unpresidented

An Amerikan Precedent

Chrumpington, DC
January 17, 2017

Unfortunately Newt is able to speak despite his foot-in-mouth disease

Newt Gingrich (who was booted as Speaker of the House - by his own party - for ethics violations) does not think Chrump should change the way he does things in order to comport with the laws of the land, but that the United States should change the way it has been doing things to suit the Chrump family. Good timing Newt the Kuwaiti embassy abruptly canceled its reservation for an event regularly held at the Four Seasons in Georgetown. Members of the Chrump Organization pressured the Kuwaiti ambassador to hold the event at a Chrumpier hotel owned by the soon-to-be Conflict-of-interest-in-chief. Not to worry though it will all be legal soon enough. Just ask disgraced scumbag Gingrich.

The Orange Gas Cloud pays a visit to
an unsuspecting town near you.

Precedent Chrump

The Constitution – if you have a copy, keep it secret, keep it safe – makes it very clear that the presidency of the United States is not meant to enrich the public servant at the head of the government, particularly by receiving favors or stuff from foreign countries who might hope to influence said public servant. The Emoluments Clause of Article I, Section 9 prohibits any “Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under [the United States]” from accepting “any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State.” There are three important points that I am sure are paramount in Chrump’s “mind”: 1) if the foreign country in question simply takes it upon itself to give a present or emolument – even if that country is ‘persuaded’ by some unnamed party associated with the office holder – then surely the office holder has no choice but to accept such an unsolicited gift; anything else would surely be an insult, 2) rules are too politically correct and meant for losers, and 3) if the president does it then it is not illegal. I made up point number one, but I am sure we will hear something similar very soon. Point number two is obviously the way Chrump thinks about everything. Point number three was provided by the criminal madman known as Richard Nixon.

Speaking of precedents, a recent Gallup poll found that Chrump has a historically low approval rating for his transition to the White House, with 51 percent of Americans saying they disapprove of his performance, and only 44 (a CNN poll has this number at 40) percent approving of the oncoming presIDent. This is surprising for two reasons, neither of which explains though might be related to Chrump being the world’s sorest “winner”. First, that is a much larger number than the percent of voters who actually voted for the guy who lost the popular vote in a landslide. Second, these numbers set him apart from his predecessors bigly. What a surprise. A week before Inauguration Day in 2009, 83 percent of Americans said they approved of the way Barack Obama was managing his transition, with only 12 percent saying they disapproved. Even the similarly clueless George W. Bush, who, like Trump, lost the popular vote but won the Electoral College after the Supreme Court stopped the vote counting in Florida, had 61 percent approval to 25 percent disapproval a week out from Inauguration Day in 2001. Orange Julius Ceasar of course calls the polls “rigged”. We knew Chrump was unique, but who knew he was this special? Is the hornymoon over already?

In light of this information, Paying Attention has decided to leak the text of Chrump’s inaugural address, obtained from a group of hookers our intrepid rookie reporter B.N. Formd encountered while undercover outside Chrump Tower:

Soon-to-be iconic photo of "I am not a Chrump" moment
as King Don prepares to deface the White House

In case you have not seen this (I gave it a standing ovation)…

Key & Peele - Obama and Luther's Farewell Address

Speaking of Leaks

Der Furor was beside himself over a leak that did not come from his mouth. The fact-averse leak machine reprimanded the intelligence community of leaking and made his wittle feewings known immediately. He lied forcefully in defense of previous lies in the only way he knows how. First he tweeted it as the final bit of yet another electronic hot air tweetnado:

When you know nothing, you can say anything

 

Later that day, during the press conference to which Chrump brought a cheering section that did in fact cheer and applaud at the appropriate times, he had to say it aloud, in public, with other people present, reporters in fact, “I think it’s a disgrace. And I say that and I say that (sic). And that’s something that Nazi Germany would have done and did do. I think it’s a disgrace. That information that was false and fake and never happened, got released to the public.” That is simply unbelievable. Nothing like that has ever happened before.

A Chinese take on Chrump
Let’s hope China can keep a sense of humor

Asshole/Asset

Reporter: On that intelligence report, the second part of the conclusion was that Vladimir Putin ordered it because he aspired to help you on the election. Do you accept that part of the finding?

Chrump Thing: Well if, if Putin likes Donald Chrump…I consider that an asset not a liability.

Vladimir Putin considers Chrump an asset as well.

I. Mangrey (more than ever) reporting. Resist and Replace.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA