Paying Attention: Like Father, Like Scum

President Covfefe & Son, Inc.*

July 17, 2017

Job One for the Chrump family is grabbing us by the money. They care for nothing but their bottom line. Not the Mexican wall. Not healthcare for everyone (or anyone for that matter). Not many terrific jobs, not for coal miners or anyone else. And obviously not making America great again. Ninety-nine percent of Donald’s name brand garbage is made in China or Taiwan or Bangladesh or Honduras or Vietnam or Indonesia or, wait for it…Mexico. But mostly China. His “natural spring water” is made in America; that is about it.** Personal wealth über alles. This is critical since Donald Chrump’s finances are just like his “hair”. He must have heard the Will Rogers’ quote, “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” Chrump folds his money over and over and over, but rather than putting it back in his pocket, he flashes it everywhere he goes. He hopes to present the appearance of having more than he has, lest his fiscal comb-over be exposed, and those Chrump has bilked and those he is planning to bilk in the future, learn that he is not worth what he pretends. Chrump may have wanted to be president, but he never wanted to do president. Mostly he wanted to run for president to enhance his brand. This is why Chrump and family are desperate to stay in Moscow’s good graces.

Like Father, Like Scum

I assume you have had the discomfiting experience of seeing and/or hearing Donald Chrump, Jr. particularly since the recent disclosure and subsequent multiple choice of explanations/excuses for fondling various Russian agents in order to defeat Hillary Clinton and bolster his family’s financial profile. He is his father’s son, though they were estranged for many of the younger thug’s formative years. Junior has without a doubt made up for lost time since becoming his father’s business ~~lackey~~ partner. He has his father’s ignorance, arrogance and bloated ego. Father and son are both fact-free, thought-free, and intelligent-look-free.

Senior Donald almost has thought, goes into shock

Junior Donald dreaming about having a brain

Many of you are by now aware of Junior Donald’s very secret, immediately forgotten meeting with Prince Jared, human landfill, and then-campaign manager Paul Manafort and a Russian lawyer…and a Russian dipshit publicist…and a member of a wealthy Azerbaijani family with close ties to Chrump and his alleged money. And then, after Junior was so incredibly transparent (once the New York Times exposed his apparent treason) with Sean Hannity, and so greatly remembering of the tremendously unmemorable meeting, we learned that there was another Russian – one with ties to Russian intelligence – at this meeting that we are told barely even happened. The impetus for the meeting was the promise of “some official documents and information that would incriminate Hillary and her dealings with Russia and would be very useful to your father. This is obviously very high level and sensitive information but is part of Russia and its government’s support for Mr. Trump…”

Minutes before the New York Times was set to publish a long-in-the-works expose of this cabal of collusion, Junior Donald tweeted the incredibly damning email chain leading up to the meeting. Then he lied about every possible detail and held to each lie until further reporting necessitated a better lie.

New details about the meeting continue to emerge. I predict that within the week we will learn that the meeting was not in fact held in Chrump Tower, but rather took place in a sports stadium with over one thousand Russian businessmen, political operatives and intelligence agents. Junior will claim that he was unable to remember any of this because his memory was wiped clean, as it often is, after an incredibly amazing and beautiful bowel movement in the Oval Office.