Putin Us To Shame

Appease And Thank You

The Silk Road
November 12, 2017

The worst thing to hit Asia since Little Boy and Fat Man made landfall in Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945 is coming to an end. Combination little boy and fat man Donald Chrump is nearing the end of his extended assault on the Far East. After stopping in Hawai’i, which Chrump was surprised to learn was an island...surrounded by water...big water, the Orange Gas Cloud headed off to further damage relations with Japan, South Korea, China, Vietnam and the Philippines. Along the way he would get to spend some quality moments with his idol and benefactor.

Who's His Daddy?

President Chamberlain says he is inclined to believe fellow liar Vladimir Putin when he denied having anything to do with meddling in our elections, particularly the one where Chrump defeated the American electorate. The entire intelligence community of the United States, an entity to which Chrump clearly holds no allegiance. To be fair, Der Furor goes into anaphylactic shock whenever he comes within an orange hair’s breadth of intelligence.

Why in the world should we be concerned if Putin wants to annex the Sudetenland, I mean The Ukraine, or Texas? What possible harm could that do? Why do all the haters want to stop us from being besties with Russia? What have they ever done to us? Inquiring Chrumps want to know.

Chrump told his mirror, “I will sign the great Moscow Pact with the very honest and strong Vladimir Putin. We have become excellent friends. It’s amazing what good friends we are – almost as good as me and Mitch. This Moscow Pact will be the best, most beautiful pact since the Munich Pact. That Chambermaid guy had no idea how to make the best deal. I know how. Believe me. I know exactly what I’m doing. None of those experts, who have been studying this stuff for years, know what’s going on. I have wasted very little time listening to their very boring briefings, but I’ve spent several minutes with Putin so I think I know what I’m talking about. I’ve had the best conversations with Putin, who by the way is a very strong leader and also, I can tell you, is very interested in playing some golf at my beautiful course in Bedminster. He just wants to be a good friend to America. He has already given us the greatest president in the history of forever.”

Was It Everything I Said?

Chrump, who has made a cottage industry – the first industry he has ever been involved in that was in the U.S., although the only job it created was his…until he starts WWIII – of insulting, taunting and threatening Kim Jong-un, is simply aghast that Little Rocket Man does not seem to like him very much.

What is Kim’s problem? Chrump gave him props during the pre-inauguration phase of his campaign for killing off all his rivals, including his uncle. Chrump wishes he could do that. He knows what makes a good, strong leader. Believe him.

After rolling over to have his tummy rubbed by Putin, Chrump had some more smoke blown up his skirt in Japan and China. Both countries held their breath and smiled, as Chrump insulted them and made obsequious love talk to each in their turn. According to one Chinese official, “We know that most of his rude comments were a result of his substantial ignorance of anything outside his own skin. Actually, I was surprised that he knew the Samurai were Japanese. His words are meaningless. We know that. We believe it is more important to do the things he likes to have done, and make him think we like him. Then we can have our way with him. He is like a small child who can be pacified with a big piece of cake, some shiny objects and a pat on the head. This is going to be so easy.”

Once he had made an ass of himself in Japan and China, Chrump stopped in the one country he worked very hard to avoid as a young man. He instead did his service right here at home on the New York dating scene front, of which he said in 1997, “It is a dangerous world out there, it’s scary. Like Vietnam, sort of like, you know, the Vietnam War. It’s my own personal Vietnam. I’d make a great and very brave soldier.” Yeah, except for the part where you were a great and very chicken-shit coward who dodged the draft five times.

Next stop, the Philippines, where Chrump will have a quick cuddle with another murderous tyrant he has long admired - Rodrigo Duterte. No doubt, Hair Chrump will learn much about how to run a country from the Philippine strongman. Chrump loves strong men.

When will we be un-presidented?

I. Mangrey reporting. What are you doing? Look busy, the boss is coming.