Thursday, November 30, 2017

It’s TIME

Under Cover of Dumbness

November 30, 2017
Is it dementia, douchebaggery or nuclear-powered narcissism? Maybe he thinks that he deserves it because he was far-and-away the most hateful, despicable, ignorant candidate ever to seek America’s highest office, lost the popular vote by a huge margin and still ended up in the White House. Maybe he thinks that he deserves it because he thinks that despite a preponderance of irrefutable facts to the contrary, he is able to advocate countless conspiracies that make him popular with the most ignorant, bigoted, stubbornly and purposefully uninformed sector of the American public. Maybe he thinks that he deserves it because he can spend more time golfing than doing anything vaguely resembling leading, or because he can sit on his golden toilet and tweet lie after lie or insane bullshit, or re-tweet racist filth and avoid any consequences – or at least any consequences that he considers consequential. Maybe he thinks he deserves to be TIME’s person of the year because Hitler, Stalin, Khrushchev and Khomeini all made the grade. Or maybe, just maybe, his toxically inflated ego cannot be satiated without getting its way at every turn.
For years, Chrump has had a fake TIME Magazine cover featuring the carpeted blob of protoplasm atop his neck on the cover. He may not have invented the term ‘fake news’ as he told an interviewer recently, but he certainly was a purveyor of such, since insinuating himself into the public eye. Whether phoning reporters, pretending to be his own publicist – which he did repeatedly during the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s, either as John Miller or John Barron – to inflate his man-about-town image, or . Miller/Barron/Chrump would brag about how well the boss was doing financially and about Chrump’s latest sexual conquests, which more often than not were fake encounters.
Some reporters found the calls from the man calling himself Miller or Barron disturbing. Some described them as creepy. Others thought they were just examples of Chrump being playful (i.e., lying like a rug).
In one call, “Miller” said “Actresses just call to see if they can go out with him and things.” “Miller” claimed that Madonna “wanted to go out with him.” (Chrump, not Miller, though possibly Miller, since Miller is Chrump, or Chrump is Miller; so who knows who Madonna did not actually want to go out with.) Chrump’s fake publicist boasted that in addition to living with Maples (with whom he cheated on his first wife and sired the only child he has not brought into his crime syndicate or administration – like there’s a difference), Chrump had “three other girlfriends.”
Our crack team of reporters are currently looking into serious allegations that, – this is not us saying this, but many people are saying it or maybe we saw it on the internets – Sarah Huckabee Sanders is actually Chrump in drag.
Sarah Huckabee Chrump Miller Sanders
Last week, before his latest golf marathon, Der Furor tweeted more of his patented fake news. This lie/delusion/cry-for-help had to do with his negotiations with TIME regarding their 2017 person of the year. I’ll let the Cuckoo-bird-in-chief lie for himself:
TIME Magazine joined in the imaginary conversation that Chrump was having with himself and Twitter in order to clear things up:

Paying Attention reached out to TIME and obtained a scoop on the real fake person of the year selection for 2017. TIME has really outdone themselves this year. They are intent on making TIME MAGAzine great again. There are also rumors that this might be the last person of the year ever.


I. Mangrey reporting.

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