November 30, 2017
Is it dementia, douchebaggery or nuclear-powered narcissism?
Maybe he thinks that he deserves it because he was far-and-away the most
hateful, despicable, ignorant candidate ever to seek America’s highest office,
lost the popular vote by a huge margin and still ended up in the White House.
Maybe he thinks that he deserves it because he thinks that despite a
preponderance of irrefutable facts to the contrary, he is able to advocate countless
conspiracies that make him popular with the most ignorant, bigoted, stubbornly
and purposefully uninformed sector of the American public. Maybe he thinks that
he deserves it because he can spend more time golfing than doing anything
vaguely resembling leading, or because he can sit on his golden toilet and
tweet lie after lie or insane bullshit, or re-tweet racist filth and avoid any
consequences – or at least any consequences that he considers consequential.
Maybe he thinks he deserves to be TIME’s person of the year because Hitler,
Stalin, Khrushchev and Khomeini all made the grade. Or maybe, just maybe, his
toxically inflated ego cannot be satiated without getting its way at every
turn.
For years, Chrump has had a fake TIME Magazine cover
featuring the carpeted blob of protoplasm atop his neck on the cover. He may
not have invented the term ‘fake news’ as he told an interviewer recently, but
he certainly was a purveyor of such, since insinuating himself into the public
eye. Whether phoning reporters, pretending to be his own publicist – which he
did repeatedly during the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s, either as John Miller or John
Barron – to inflate his man-about-town image, or . Miller/Barron/Chrump would
brag about how well the boss was doing financially and about Chrump’s latest
sexual conquests, which more often than not were fake encounters.
Some reporters found the calls from the man calling himself Miller
or Barron disturbing. Some described them as creepy. Others thought they were
just examples of Chrump being playful (i.e., lying like a rug).
In one call, “Miller” said “Actresses just call to see if
they can go out with him and things.” “Miller” claimed that Madonna “wanted to
go out with him.” (Chrump, not Miller, though possibly Miller, since Miller is
Chrump, or Chrump is Miller; so who knows who Madonna did not actually want to
go out with.) Chrump’s fake publicist boasted that in addition to living with
Maples (with whom he cheated on his first wife and sired the only child he has
not brought into his crime syndicate or administration – like there’s a
difference), Chrump had “three other girlfriends.”
Our crack team of reporters are currently looking into
serious allegations that, – this is not us saying this, but many people are
saying it or maybe we saw it on the internets – Sarah Huckabee Sanders is
actually Chrump in drag.
Sarah Huckabee Chrump Miller Sanders
Last week, before his latest golf marathon, Der Furor
tweeted more of his patented fake news. This lie/delusion/cry-for-help had to
do with his negotiations with TIME regarding their 2017 person of the year.
I’ll let the Cuckoo-bird-in-chief lie for himself:
TIME Magazine joined in the imaginary conversation that
Chrump was having with himself and Twitter in order to clear things up:
Paying Attention reached out to TIME and obtained a scoop on
the real fake person of the year selection for 2017. TIME has really outdone
themselves this year. They are intent on making TIME MAGAzine great again.
There are also rumors that this might be the last person of the year ever.
I. Mangrey reporting.
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