February 19, 2018
As the Chrump prezidency drags on, and drags most Americans
around like a Nantucket sleigh ride, we are caused to acknowledge Presidents’
Day. This year, we must remind ourselves that this holiday was originally meant
to be a celebration, not of all presidents, but of one and only one – George
Washington. It later morphed into a day to celebrate all American presidents.
But not anymore. The Russian-interference-enhanced election of Donald Chrump
changes everything. With any luck we will live to regret the 45th. I
am not doing a chicken census at this point.
We have had great presidents and terrible presidents (I’m
looking at you George W. Bush.) and everything in between. But we have only one
president who was aided and abetted by our most reviled adversary and the head
of the FBI, who he later fired for investigating said aiding and abetting. Go figure.
There is not, nor will there ever be any official celebration of Donald Chrump, the most disgraceful, incompetent, hateful and fatally narcissistic leader this nation has ever known. I imagine that those entrenched in Chrump’s alternative reality, will simply never be able to admit to anything other than their man Chrump is making America great again.
Most of us however, will think longingly of the most recent,
and hopefully not the last, actual president. Certainly not perfect, but a
decent man, with a functioning cerebral cortex, real class and normal-sized
adult male hands. The major flaw found by many Americans was this man’s
stubborn refusal to be all white. Well, I say be careful what you wish for my
fellow Americans. We’ve got ourselves a real white one this time. No doubt
about it, not only all white, but alt-white to boot.
Rules of Enragement
As for the current part-time White House occupant, once he
was sufficiently coerced over the course of a week, took a few moments out of
his busy tweeting and “hair” arrangement schedule to set us all straight on
where he stands on domestic violence, by talking words out of his face
sphincter rather than his twitter fingers. In case anyone was confused by his
shameless, tasteless, empathy-free homage to his recently departed,
wife-beating secretary, Der Furor gave a brief tantrum on the subject, scolding,
“I am totally opposed to domestic violence and everybody here knows that. I am
totally opposed to domestic violence of any kind. Everyone knows that and it
almost wouldn’t even have to be said. So now you hear it but you all know it.”
By crashing a press event, I managed to address this issue
head-on the only way Der Furor might catch wind – by appearing on the TV with
the most microphones ever, “First of all, nobody anywhere would ever have
guessed, let alone knows, that you might be opposed to domestic violence. What
everyone does know, is that your first wife accused you of sexual assault, and
that you with your own mouth told Billy Bush how you like to kiss women without
their consent or immediate access to antiseptic or antibiotics, and then just,
I believe the phrase was, “grab them by the pussy.” So, in your case, it most
certainly would have to be said, over
and over, possibly with some hint of empathy as opposed to annoyance. Frankly,
now that I hear you say it, I have to be honest (This is a real word; have
someone look it up and explain it to you.) with you Chrumpy, not only don’t I
know it, but I could not possibly believe you any less…though I am willing to
give it a try. And I have no doubt that you will provide ample opportunity
before you are impeached.”
Happy Ex-Presidents’ Day. Enjoy the great sales. There ain’t
nothin’ else.
I. Mangrey reporting. Guns don’t kill people…unless they
were shot to death.
Imagine.
ReplyDeleteDon Drumph, private citizen, applies for security clearance.
Imagine