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Tell Me Where It Hurts

February 11, 2018

The liberal FBI is hard at work (as it always has been) cracking down on what they are calling “Black Identity Extremists,” or as they are commonly referred to, African Americans. This of course, is the natural reaction to some very fine white people who peacefully rioted, with torches and racist and nazi chants, passed a pleasant evening – that even had a prom-like theme – "Unite the Right" in Charlottesville. Very fine people. the kind Chrump relates to and depends on for support.

Meanwhile, white extremists are running amok. It turns out that the murder of Heather Heyer by James Alex Fields was the 37^th murder committed by someone apparently fueled by alt-right ideology in the past four years. Six more people have been killed by alt-right extremists since Heyer's death. That same increase in violence has included 67 injuries, including the 19 other people Fields hit with his car in Charlottesville. How have all these white Christian men become radicalized? Were they born in this country or are they refugees from some white shithole country? Fields? What kind of name is that? Norwegian?

The Friend of My Enemy Is My Enemy’s Friendly Enemy’s Friend

Chrump is all in with the FBI when they go after black-identity-types, but not when they mess with his homies – his fellow woman abusers. Yet another Chrump appointee, this time the man who spends the most time with his very stable boss, Rob Porter, got the tiny thumbs-up from Dear Leader. And why not? We must protect our precious infrastructure of rich-white-males. They are endangered in this increasingly woman-friendly society. So some white guy beats up a couple wives. Suddenly everyone is all bent out of shape. So the FBI refused to give him security clearance. (Dozens of others, including Jared Kushner cannot get security clearances either.) Why should wife beating exclude a white guy from seeing every single top secret document that is directed to the prezident? This all seems so trivial when we have the Nunes memo – yet another thing the FBI tried to squash just because it threatened national security. This national security BS only matters when Democrats try to release memos.

Porter’s departure came after John Kelly said he was a great guy doing great work (even though Kelly had known for months that Porter had beaten two wives…that we know of), and before Hair Chrump bemoaned the unfair treatment of the accused wife beater (with not a word about the women he beat) and wished Porter well in his future endeavors. Some would have you believe that Porter’s departure was followed by another Chrump appointee – David Sorensen, a speechwriter under senior fascism policy advisor Stephen Miller – making his way out the door after he too was found to have abused his wife.

“Wife beater”, it’s not just a terrible name for
men’s undershirts anymore, now it’s a qualification
for cabinet-level positions in Chrump’s (Very) White (Male) House.

Who will now pre-digest everything like a momma bird for Little Chrump now? It’s not like Chrump wants anything to do with all this meaningless secret briefing mumbo-jumbo. He already knows more about intelligence than any expert. Experts are for losers. After all, the experts said he would lose the popular vote, and he ended up being the first president to win the popular vote with fewer votes than his opponent got. I’d like to see you try that. Chrump gets all the super-secret intel he needs from Fux and Friends. Those close to Der Furor say that reading is not his preferred style of learning. And our alternative sources tell us that learning is not Chrump’s preferred style of moving through life.

Chrump is quoted as saying, “I like [reading] as little as possible. I don't need, you know, 200-page reports on something that can be handled on a page.” You know, like the history of the Middle East conflict, or race relations in America, or the nuances of military and diplomatic strategies and why nuclear weapons can ruin your hair. Many people are saying that Chrump is simply illiterate. Who am I to argue? I prefer to think of him as a serving of peanut butter and mashed potatoes. What's in your wallet?

Chrump’s preferred style of getting his intel briefings

 

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t miss Chrump’s next dozen worst-things-ever, coming soon.