Super Bowl v. Super Bowel

Winners And Loser

February 6, 2018

I’m still reveling in the triumph of my hometown’s professional sports mercenaries. If anything could make the Philadelphia Eagles multiple-record-breaking Super Bowl victory at the expense of Chrump’s favorite team better than it already is, it would be turning down Der Furor’s invitation to visit the very, very White House. It is a long standing tradition for the Super Bowl champions to get an invite from the president. The Eagles’ Malcom Jenkins, Chris Long and Torey Smith have already made clear their intention to decline the opportunity to be in the presence of hateness. You can bet that Donald Twitterhands will have something to say in the form of an incredibly hateful/stupid tweet.

Chrump and his hostage/wife hosted a Super Bowl viewing party at the Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, Florida on Sunday night—complete with a private performance by college cheerleaders. I assume Melania was there to make sure hubby didn’t grab anything inappropriate, since she has stayed as far from Donald as possible since learning of his post-partum perfidy with Stormy Daniels. During his tremendous party, Der Furor took time to spew more racist hate at NFL players for respectfully exercising their First Amendment rights to peacefully and respectfully protest. I took a knee during the anthem as I prepared to watch the Eagles beat Team Chrump.

Chrump and a bunch of young women, what could go wrong?

Speaking of record-breaking accomplishments, Chrump can now claim the biggest, most beautiful single-day point loss for the Dow Jones. Ever. I look forward to Chrump taking credit for this awesome accomplishment. Or blaming it on Obama.

Thanks to the all the fake Nunes, we have learned some interesting things. We learned that Chrump can be in a room, at a table in a meeting with someone and never meet them. Nunes says that Chrump never met George Papadopoulos despite photographic evidence of Chrump, Papadopoulos and Jeff Sessions sitting at a small table with ten other men. We learned that Chrump did not meet at least one of his most cherished foreign policy advisors. Carter Page, self-described Russian advisor back in 2013, and introduced to the candidate by Jeff Sessions, was heralded by Chrump as a one of his "smart, serious people." Yet, according to Page, the two never met or communicated in any way.

It just keeps getting better and better, by which I mean worse and worse. Stay tuned for Chrump’s government shutdown, which he will also blame on Obama. He wants his wall and he wants it now. Der Furor said of the nation's immigration laws, “If we don't change it, let's have a shutdown. We'll do a shutdown and it's worth it for our country. I'd love to see a shutdown if we don't get this stuff taken care of.” Yeah, let’s do a shutdown. That’ll show ‘em Mr. Prezident.

This is the same brain damaged senile delinquent who called Democrats “treasonous” for failing to properly applaud his endless lies during his State Of The Shithole address. Now he is asking the Pentagon to plan a military parade. The world's oldest and most powerful toddler reportedly told the Pentagon, “I want a parade like the one in France.” Chrump is obviously needing to show everyone how big his hands are. Or his whatever.

I. Mangrey reheating.