Motherf#&ker May I

The First Day of May Not 

May 1, 2019

May Day, with its long-standing tradition of honoring workers around the world, is all but ignored by most of America. The 2016 election saw Donald Chrump’s fake message of support for workers, Social Security, Medicare, the middle class and the Constitution resonate with and dupe many workers across the country – mostly white ones, but nonetheless enough to plunge our nation into Chrump’s Carnage Presidency. In honor of May Day, Hair Chrump, thought it would be a good time to display his undying solidarity with workers…I mean dictators the world over. Here is his statement:

“Beginning right now and from this day forward I, Donald J. Chrump – the greatest president in American history – by presidential decree, declare that there will no longer be a May 1^st. That date has been contaminated by fake political nonsense. So-called May Day is a disaster. An absolute and a total disaster. Workers can celebrate if they want to, but it must be in private, and on their own time from now on. No more of this prancing around trying to get attention. Or better pay, or working conditions or less harassment from their bosses. How greedy can you get? Workers are making too much money and raping rich people everywhere. I say enough already. I decree that today will now be known as April 31st. Tomorrow will still be May 2^nd. No more May 1^st. I only wish April originally had 31 days, then I would have been able to make April the only month with 32 days. That would have been great. And when you’re president, they let you do anything, grab ‘em by the calendar, or the whatever. Also, if I had been around during the Civil War maybe I would have figured out why it happened. I alone could have fixed it. It’s what I do. I fix things. I’m a fixer, believe me.” Chrump has said, “There's no reason for this. People don't realize, ya know, the Civil War — if you think about it, why? People don't ask that question, but why was there a Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”*

Yeah, what the hell was all that Civil War stuff about anyway? No one really knows for sure. Can we have a do-over? I heard it had something to do with snakes’ rights or something like that. Or maybe it had something to do with workers in America. If only there was a way to find out why we had a Civil War. I think many people would like to know, and some of them are very fine people. But really, why didn’t the great (according to Chrump) Andrew Jackson and the other founding fathers take care of that Civil War nonsense. Maybe next time they will get it right.

Here’s hoping. 

Richard Thompson - Stuck On The Treadmill



I. Mangrey reporting. Mayday, mayday.

*non-alternative quote