The Picture of Dorian Orange

He's Not a Man, He's Not a Beast, He's About as Shapeless as The Man in The Moon 

May 23, 2019 

When you look at pictures of past presidents as they enter office compared to when they leave, there is clearly a before-and-after feel to them.  Except now.  Yes, I know that #45 has not yet left office and continues to haunt the White House and my every waking and sleeping moment, but just stay with me for a moment.   

Before an dafter

Donald Chrump looks as “fresh” today as he did when he oozed down that escalator to proclaim all Mexicans criminals and rapists, on his way to procuring his complimentary presidency via the Electoral College, which by the way is as esteemed an institution as Chrump University.  

Quasichrump

There are two possible reasons that Chrump seems physically unchanged thus far. 1) He was so grotesque, tinted and dyed when he started that a) it is impossible to know what he actually looks like without his “hair,”  “hair” epoxy and Orange #2 skin coloring, or b) no one is willing to look at him long enough to notice and only a sudden and devastating decline in his countenance could be distinguished, and then only by extremely sophisticated apparatus, or 2) Unlike most of his 44 predecessors, Chrump does almost no president-related work and therefore remains unravaged by what is typically a very stressful job – if you actually do it.

Must be all the cheating at golf that keeps him in such good shape 

Friends With Deficits

At a recent campaign rally in Pennsylvania, Der Furor fumed to his mentally malfunctioning, democratically deficient, morally malfeasant misfits about his now-two-and-a-half-year-long re-election bid. “And then we'll drive them crazy. Ready? And maybe if we really like it a lot and if things keep going like they're going, we'll go and we'll do what we have to do. We'll do a three and a four and a five.”  What a great sense of humor.  I laughed so hard I lost five years off my life.

Donald Chrump also held another Rose Garden press tantrum brought on by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi accusing Chrump of engaging in a “cover-up.”  After storming out of another meeting with Chuck and Nancy, Der Furor insisted he would not be doing any negotiating until they “get these phony investigations over with.”  He then told the assembled reporters, “I don’t do cover-ups.”  Not one reporter had the good sense to ask, “Then what the hell do you call what is happening on top of your head?”

Chrump assaults the press aided by prefabricated impromptu poster

Current polling might have something to say about Der Furor’s plan to permanently stay in office.  He is now at 38% approve, 57% disapprove.  Three weeks ago those numbers were 41%-55%. 54% of voters say they would “definitely not vote” for Chrump.  31% say they’d “definitely vote” for him.  Chrump is doing an excellent job of distilling his base down to its essence.  There is almost no one left but the best racists and most poorly educated.

I. Mangrey reporting.  Be seeing you.