Resignation Day(s) 2022, Day One

Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To Regret It

August 8, 2022

Told you so

The favorite holiday of everyone here at Paying Attention™ is upon us once again. Sure, many people prefer Festivus, or some of the older, more mainstream holidays, but Resignation Day(s) have long held a special place for everyone here since that fateful night, August 8, 1974. We were enjoying a pleasant evening in the Philadelphia suburbs watching the great Bonnie Raitt perform. A little after nine o’clock, Bonnie stopped the show to announce that the war criminal, lying crook, anti-Semite, and all-around vengeful, paranoid scallywag Dick Nixon had announced that he would be resigning as of noon the very next day. Raitt played Auld Lang Syne and then finished her planned set. We went home afterwards and celebrated in style. Oh, frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

        

Dick Nixon’s idiot henchmen got caught breaking into the Watergate offices of the DNC by security guard Frank Wills, whose life was ruined because he did his job by reporting the break-in. Nearly 47 years later, Donald Trump’s idiot henchmen got caught – though they made no attempt to hide anything – breaking into the Capitol. It did not take a security guard to uncover this break-in. Trump’s malignant minions were caught in the act by everyone watching the whole thing on live tv.

A number of Ratpublicans have suggested that Mike Pence, who aided and abetted Turmp for five years, was a hero on that day and deserved a medal. Why? Because he, like Frank Wills, did his job? Pence spent much of Jan 6 running away from his boss’ angry mob (a mob Pence still hopes to woo for a presidential run). The same mob who wanted to hang him by his neck. Pence eventually carried out his constitutional duty, though beforehand Pence was hoping he could carry out Turmp’s wishes and overturn the legitimate election that made it clear he and his boss had lost bigly. Frank Wills died in abject poverty, unable to afford water or electricity. Mike Pence thinks he is running for president…of an imagined Christian nation where the Bible trumps the Constitution.

Can Things Possibly Get Any Verse?

As we have done most years since 2008 when a wonderful poem was rescued from obscurity we present those now famous stanzas with new verses being added yearly.

Here is the original long-lost text as presented in 2008…

I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-known verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

‘Twas the night before Resignation

‘Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" 

August 9, 1974 reimagined: Two great tastes that taste great together:
Nixon’s very victorious shameful resignation and
Bush’s equally iconic/ironic MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

We hope this helps get you in the mood. Keep the party going while there remains any glimmer of hope for the future. All the aforementioned crises are not going away any time soon. But we can take these two days to reflect on the past, take a deep breath knowing that the political career of Donald Trump is melting away like the Wicked Witch after Dorothy doused her with a bucket of water (the same thing might be literally possible with Trump – has anyone tried it?), and duct tape our fingers crossed for the future.

In the meantime, enjoy Day One, but be sure to get some rest. You’ll need all your strength to get through Resignation Day(s) Two.

Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor