It's A Dog! It's A Feral Pig! It's A Weasel!
October 20, 2022
A rabid animal was
seen at a recent Trump event. Actually, as usual there were quite a few, but
one of the noxious beasts eventually made its way to the podium and accosted
the crowd with horrible growling, snarling and foaming at the mouth. With the
knowledge that one should never let creepy dogs lie, the creature was quickly
neutralized, though it would not shut the fuck up.
It is believed that
the only reason its bark is worse than its bite is because its false teeth
(which are well-paired with its false hair and false skin tone) are frequently
too loose to chew anything harder than Marshmallow Fluff (not to be confused
with Mike Pence).
It is not expected
that standard rabies vaccines will protect against death and destruction. Many people
are saying that the only antidote is to either injecting disinfectant into the
body, or almost a cleaning, or hit the body with a tremendous – whether it’s
ultraviolet or just very powerful light. Ultimately, it seems we can only hope
that it will chew its own head off. I say remove the protective cone.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
vaccines.
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