October 20, 2023
After three crushing
defeats, each worse that the last, tiny-brained election denier and all-around
douchebag Jim Jordan continued his doomed quest to lead his party over the cliff.
With all the certainty of a paranoid schizophrenic, Jordan had one more hand to
play. He dragged his bloody caucus into a secret meeting to gauge what he
assumed was his irresistible (excluding of course, the three recent assurances
to the contrary) appeal once his besties could truly express their love for him
away from the prying eyes of the media, Democrats, the public and presumably
Jordan’s lord and savior – Donald Jurassic Trump.
A funny thing happened behind those closed doors. It was 50 shades of fuck you. Instead of losing 25 members who were willing to incur Trump’s wrath by voting against his hand-picked candidate, 112 members of the Fascist Party said no thanks, while only 86 continued their massive delusion that Jordan was the right man for the job.
So, it’s time to
stick a fork in rapist-enabler Jim Jordan. And not just figuratively. I think
every one of us should find out where this treacherous cretin is drowning his
sorrows and stick a fucking fork in him. I think it will help take his mind off
of his ignominious smackdown. Or at the very least, remind him of it.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News update.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled schadenfreude, already in progress.
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