Sunday, February 25, 2024

Embry-No

Whines Of Life

February 25, 2024

Full disclosure: I used to be an embryo but I grew out of it.

According to the Alabama Supreme Court and many Ratpublicans, embryos are people.*

Really? Just so we’re clear – at the founding of this country, fully-grown Black people were considered 3/5 of a person, but now a clump of cells that resembles just about any living thing that lives on land at that stage of development can haul your ass into court and sue you for attempted murder? Just because an embryo is the same size as say, Mike Johnson’s brain (i.e., a grain of rice), that does not convey personhood status. For fuck sake, that's even too young for Jeffrey Epstein or Matt Gaetz.

Friend of yours?

The Embryo Has No Clothes

It all started with a very unhealthy fetal attraction. “A fetus is a person!” was the cry from the same people who do not believe in science 99% of the time. Suddenly, they decided that according to science a fetus is a person, and that according to them, for that one specific purpose, science is totally awesome. Kind of like the disgraceful Supreme Court decision that made George WTF Bush president despite having lost both the popular and Electoral College votes, and insisting that their decision could never be used as precedent in the future.

So now, the absurd fetus-as-person fiction just ain’t good enough. Like everything else about fetus fanatics, they want to keep moving backwards. Backwards on when life begins, backwards on same-sex marriage, backwards on racial and gender equality, backwards on Earth’s sphericity. And they are not going back to the future, they are just going back.

This delusion never released its grip on the small-minded, radical-religious, theocratic whackos over many decades. And no one is a better representative for this group, and a worse representative for the vast majority of Americans than current/not-for-long Speaker of the House and God’s own skunk MAGA Mike Johnson.

Forget the fetus. Ratpublicans like ‘em younger.

So what the fuck good is a birthday anymore.

Get a job, hippie

To Ratpublicans actual living people are grist for their Soylent Green mill.

The Court Of Pubic Opinion

The Alabama Supreme Court ruled that embryos are people because they “bear the image of God.” WTF. What the hell does God look like then? I thought I was made in God’s image.

We would like to thank the Alabama Supreme Court for coming out of, well, not the closet, out of the dumpster. They have lit the fuse on a political bomb that is about to see them go all Wile E. Coyote on their own dumb ass.

Meep! Meep!

Speaking of dumb asses, make-believe candidate Nikki Haley was asked about the Alabama court decision to stop IVF because throwing embryos away is murder. Haley, doing her best (albeit none-too-good) Flying Wallenda impression, said she was in favor of IVF while also saying she believes that embryos are babies. Oops, so much for navigating the tightrope; hope there’s an ambulance at the ready. So there you have it folks, Haley is officially on record as saying that she is in favor of killing your babies.

WARNING: All you male masturbators and menstruating women out there better beware. Wasting your precious sperm or wasting precious baby eggs by allowing your menstrual cycle to run its course (as God intended, since she’s not an idiot) will also be in the crosshairs of the Forced-Birth Police very soon. These fuckers will never be satisfied until one of them is posted in every single household in this country.

Final Word To My Forced-Birth Friends

I know that this is not a good way of having children, which is so damned important to you assholes, but go fuck yourselves.

Every Sperm is Sacred

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*Does that mean they’re corporations?

I. Mangrey reporting.

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