Climate? He Can't Even See It.

From Powerhouse to Pariah

The Rose Garden
June 2, 2017

Alt-president Chrump annoyed and frightened leaders across the world with his stance on climate change. Many of his colleagues pleaded with Hair Chrump to remain in the Paris Climate Accord. Ever the reality show ratings-craver, Chrump said he would think it over and give his answer “next week”.

As prelude to his highly anticipated declaration, Chrump took to Twitter as he always does when he has something frighteningly stupid to share with his minions. Perhaps he is unaware that the rest of us can also see his tweets.

Covfefe either was meant to be ‘coverage’, in which case he apparently lost consciousness and keeled over before finishing his pathetic sentence (though not before hitting send), or an anagram for Cowardly Old Vituperative Flatulent Entertainer Fears Enema…or something like that. Perhaps more disturbing that the tweet itself is the at least 127,484 retweets and 162,762 likes. America the Pitiful.

As he soiled the Rose Garden more than a thousand dogs with the runs, Chrump explained his inexplicable "decision". “The Paris Climate Accordion is a complete disaster. I have no idea what it is, but Bannon says we must get out. Even Ivanka – who we all love very, very much – and Jared and Exxon and many Fortune 500 companies, and most American citizens, think this is a ridiculous move, but I made my mind up a long time ago and then pretended to think it over so that I, Donald J. Chrump could create a very presidential cliff-hanger. Admit it, some of you actually thought there was a chance I wouldn’t do something totally pathetic regarding the Chinese hoax of climate change. Most people don’t even believe in climate. Everyone knows that no one loves the environment more than I do. Without the environment, there would be no golf courses. I don’t have to know what I’m talking about to make a huge decision. Believe me. Everyone knows that walking away from this terrifically terrible agreement that almost every other country has signed on to is nothing more than a symbolic gesture. It’s like giving practically everyone on the planet – except my most loyal, ignorant supporters – the finger. Everyone knows this. Everyone. As you know, I could stand in the middle of the galaxy and blow up the Earth and I wouldn’t lose a single voter. Believe me. Because I won the election bigly and I will do it again as many times as I want.”

Chrump, and by default – to quote Chrump – “the United States-and-America” joins only two nations — Syria, in a civil war, and Nicaragua, who thought the accord didn’t go far enough, in ignoring the historic agreement.

Chrump stammered, “I was elected to represent [long pause] the citizens of Pittsburg, not Paris.” The Mayor of Pittsburg would prefer that Der Furor represent someone else.

Former CIA acting-director Michael Morell called Chrump’s decision to abandon the Paris accord, “the worst decision he’s has made.” And that is a very high bar indeed.

I. Mangrey reporting. Covfefe for everyone.

UPDATE:

VP, and man who needs a chaperone to be alone in a room with a woman, Mike “Shit-for-brains” Pence shared his wisdom on the subject of climate with, “for some reason or another, this issue of climate change has emerged as a paramount issue for the left in this country and around the world.” Mike might be on to something here. Just because countless intelligence, security and military experts, along with 97 percent of climate scientists and practically everyone with at least a two-digit IQ thinks the global climate crisis is – I’ll use Pence’s word – paramount, is no reason for morons and assholes to give it a second thought. I’m sure they won’t.