Here Comes Comey

Russian Around Like a Turkey With Its Head Cut Off

Washing-up, DC
June 8, 2017

It appears that Boy Wonder, Jared Kushner is just as incompetent and clueless as his mentor/idol/father-in-law/boss Chrump. J-Bird thought it would be a good idea to set up secret back-channel-esque communications with the Kremlin. Chrump does not trust intelligence as a concept and hates the American intelligence community as an entity. Chrump only trusts what arises out of the rapidly liquefying tissue encased beneath his lying “hair”. Kushner and several other Chrump-related ne’er-do-wells felt it would be best to lie about what would otherwise be perfectly legal, albeit odd, meetings with Russian, let’s call them representatives.

Jared’s escapades could well become fodder at some point for the multitude of investigations surrounding The Orange Gas Cloud and his campaign’s and his own ties to Russia. This week however, the focus is on 6’8” elephant in the room – recently-fired-by-the-guy-he-helped-get-elected-and-then-was-investigating, former FBI Director, James Comey. Comey – who apparently does not know he is supposed to be tweeting his every hope and desire if he wants to be taken seriously – is poised to share the hand-written notes he felt compelled to keep after every encounter with the Disaster-in-chief. Comey’s Princess Chrump Diary has been the subject of much speculation, as those not in the thrall of Der Furor attempt to see beyond the alternative facts. Comey, who begged Jeff Sessions not to be left alone with Chrump, did not mention whether he also felt compelled to shower after spending alone time with his self-described lord and master. But, I digress.

We were on the subject of J-Dog. Jared’s benefactor, and head of the Chrump Crime Family – the Alternative Don himself – said, “Jared. Jared’s actually become much more famous than me. I’m a little bit upset about that.” The last person The Don said that about was a fellow by the name of James Comey. I wonder how that is working out. Many people are saying that Chrump then added, “Jared. I’m also a little bit jealous that he’s doing my daughter. That should have been my job.”

NEWS FLASH: CHRUMP LEAVES GOLF COURSE FOR BIG PAPER SIGNING

In a pathetic attempt to take America’s eyes off of Jim Comey’s giant balls as his public testimony draws near, Hair Chrump took a few minutes away from golfing and demanded the presence of a few of his closest swamp-weasels to help him look like a president for a few moments. As Chrump took pen in tiny little hand, he wore a very, very serious – terrifically serious some would say – face-pose and signed a document of absolutely no value or meaning whatsoever just before signaling for the applause sign to be turned on.

Festering swamp creatures gather to feign gawking as Chrump signs a
blank piece of paper to prove he still knows, and can sign his own name.

Rumor has it that the Idiot Bastard Pres’dent will be live-tweeting his “thoughts” during Comey’s testimony. This is one of the dumbest things a president ever considered doing. Worse that that is the fact that it will probably work very well for this one. His base will simply believe every single lie Der Furor tweets at them. I wonder how many of them are taking night classes in Russian as a Second Language.

They Can’t Handle the Chruth

One thing we do know is that Chrump will not have the best lawyers working his case. We know this because all the best lawyers declined to defend Chrump during his Russia investigation. Some claimed that they had important fishing trips planned long ago or were inexplicably entering the witness protection program and could not be available to do Chrump’s bidding. Most however, declined because of concerns that, “The guy won’t pay and he won’t listen.”

Thomas Jefferson once (maybe even twice) said, “The whole of government consists in the art of being honest.” What does that say about the current administration? I guess the United States is a country without a government.

I. Mangrey reporting.