Strike Four...You're Chrump

If a Loser Hits a Home Run and No One Sees It, Does It Make a Sound?

Back in The USSA

May 30, 2017

Curveball 2.0

In case you forgot, the Bush/Cheney administration relied on an Iraqi “informant” – who was either an Iraqi defector or a defective Iraqi – as one of the principal sources of “intelligence” on WMD, leading up to the illegal, based-on-lies invasion of Iraq. The informant convinced the Cheney White House (desperately searching for any excuse – real or otherwise – to invade Iraq) that Iraq had a secret biological weapons program. The name of this convenient source, oddly enough, was Curveball. Ironic? Sarcastic? Intentionally mocking us? We will never know. We can, of course, assume.

Now we learn that James Comey relied on what turns out to be fake intel planted by the Russians, possibly knowingly. These documents led Comey to make his July statement about Hillary Clinton’s damn emails. Even if the documents were legitimate, Comey’s little escapade was wholly inappropriate. And don’t forget, it made him “mildly nauseous” to think he might have tilted the playing field in the election that resulted in Donald Chrump squatting in the White House. While double negatives are frowned upon, they do technically add up to a positive – like, “The Chrump campaign never didn’t collude with Russia to gain the presidency.” Similarly, fake intel resulting in a fake president could well have given us our very own semi-biological weapon of mass destruction – Donald J. Chrump.

Radical Orange Terrorism

As our intrepid nincompoop returns from the disastrous road trip he called a “home run”, he remains up to his eyeballs in Jared Kushner, Michael Flynn, Russians and insane tweets (which he resumed six hours after touching down in DC – squeezing out six between 8:10 and 10:43am).

After Chrump swung, he definitely saw the ball go over the wall, something no independent observer has verified, (Chrump did not allow American press to be present most of the time.) Undaunted, Chrump decided to round the bases. He tripped on his tie on his way to first base. He was helped to his feet by a Secret Service team, and three minutes later continued on to second base. A now reddening and audibly wheezing Chrump had considerable trouble rounding second as this was now the longest walk he had taken in forty years. He was the last to arrive for the photo, keeping the others waiting.* Finally rounding third, Chrump stopped for the traditional G7 group photo, taken at a Greek amphitheater. After the photo, the group walked the 700 yards to a piazza in the hilltop town. Well, not the whole group. The Blob stayed behind until he could sit his anti-exercise yuuuuuge ass in a golf cart.*

At least he takes a good picture

This incredibly terrific “home run” of a trip ended with Angela Merkel describing climate change talks at the G7 meeting as "very difficult, if not to say very dissatisfying." The German chancellor also told her fellow citizens that, “the times in which we can fully count on others are somewhat over, as I have experienced in the past few days”, adding, “We Europeans must really take our destiny into our own hands.” Now, why would Angela Merkel say a thing like that? Maybe she knows something that we know. Merkel’s chief political rival said, “…I reject with outrage the way this man takes it upon himself to treat the head of our country’s government.” A State Department official noted, “When it comes to diplomacy, president Chrump is a drunk tourist. Loud and tacky, shoving his way around the dance floor. He steps on others without realizing. It’s ineffectual.” So much winning.

Are fabricated lies truths?
I will spare you the other five tweets

 

*True.

I. Mangrey reporting.