Wednesday, May 17, 2017

A Boy And His D'oh

The President’s Brief Day

The Vast Expanse Between Chrump’s Ears
May 17, 2017
Reuters reports that Chrump is more likely to read national security briefing materials if his name is mentioned in as many paragraphs as possible. It was also reported that he still prefers one-page memos and visual aids.
According to Talking Points Memo, [o]ne unnamed source told Reuters that since Trump “keeps reading if he’s mentioned” in briefing materials, officials on the National Security Council have learned to insert the President’s name into “as many paragraphs as we can.”
Alternative sources inform us that the “president” prefers small words and as many pictures as possible. It is common knowledge in the West Wing that Chrump gets more from the pictures than the words.
Paying Attention has obtained an exclusive leak of Chrump’s most recent daily…actually, in this case, bi-weekly intelligence brief. Our informant, Cheap Gloat, has promised periodic updates on the inner workings of The Orange Gas Cloud and what is left of the White House; apparently Chrump has been throwing dishes, smashing sculptures and ripping priceless portraits off the walls and ramming his head through them when he gets angry, which we are told comprises 90 percent of his waking hours, when he is not watching television or signing his name on any uncluttered surface…the rest of his time of course is spent tweeting.
May 15, 2017
 
“Dear Mr. President Chrump sir. Please be advised that this briefing for Donald Chrump is simply to advise Mr. Chrump that the North Koreans, who do not like Mr. Chrump, are planning to launch a big missile.

This missile could very well have negative impact on Mr. Chrump and possibly other people, including Ivanka and Jared. Mr. Chrump’s country, which is America, and loves him very much, might also have bad things happen. Russia could also get hurt. We feel that these bad things would make Mr. Chrump very sad.

Thank you Mr. President Chrump sir for taking time out of your very busy day. We know that being president is very difficult Mr. Chrump – though not as difficult for you as it would be for other people who are not Donald Chrump because you are very strong and very, very smart – and we are grateful that you would spare a few minutes to read these messages. We know that you, Donald Chrump, do not really need to read any of this because you are so very smart and presidential.


We just wanted you to have this so that maybe you would tell us what we should do with this information. If you have any questions we would be happy to answer them, even though you know so much more about these things than we do. Thank you again Mr. President Chrump sir. Please let us know if there are any particular nice things you would like us to say about you Mr. President Chrump sir. We know very well how much you hate any kind of intelligence. Boy, do we know. Nothing in the history of humankind has ever been more obvious.  We will try not to bother you again with these silly briefings unless it is absolutely necessary Mr. President Chrump sir.”
Sorry you had to see that, but we felt the public had a right to know. We will of course keep you updated as conditions deteriorate.
I. Mangrey reporting.

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