January 20, 2017: Another Date That Will Live in Infamy

Oh, Fractious Day

O'er The Remnants We Watch
January 20, 2018

I hate to bring this up, but most of you are probably already aware that Donald Chrump is president. While there were thousands of people dancing in the streets when this became official, a significant majority of Americans was, at that time, and remains to this day, ashamed, mortified, disgusted, nauseated, shocked, depressed and possibly somewhat angry. President Little-Boy-Fat-Man defeated the American electorate after running the most disgraceful, pathetic, insulting, racist campaign in history and then scared the crap out of everyone at his inauguration.

We were all Melania that day, except for the smiley part

 

Today the world “celebrates” the first global holiday. Leaders, governments and people of all nationalities, colors, religions, genders and ages – and very possibly plants and animals – will set aside a split second to acknowledge the improbable fact that we have all survived an entire year with President Caligula.

One entire year, a complete trip around the Sun – or a complete trip for the Sun revolving around the Earth, if you are a Chrump supporter – or an eternity if you are not. We are only about 2500 lies and 100 golf days into this presidency and most Americans are afraid to turn on the television, read a newspaper or browse the internets for fear of learning of the hourly fiasco perpetrated by The Orange Gas Cloud. Fortunately, Chrump only works 1-3 hours every day, but his Chrumpublican enablers are hard at work dissolving the fabric of our society. They only need Der Furor to sign his name bigly now and then, show it off like it was the first time he ever did it, and take one more chunk out of the environment, the poor, minorities, voting rights and/or civilization in general. The important thing is that we made it this far.

This is not to say that we are not drastically worse for the wear. The body politic is in the ICU fighting for its life in the face of multiple organ failures. The nation’s soul has checked into the funny farm for a series of interventions, and heavy doses of opioids, which are still readily available for abuse while Jeff Sessions is busy fighting the Killer Weed. There is nothing else to celebrate about it beyond the fact that we have not been vaporized.

First Anniversary of The End of The World: The Pearl Harbor of Presidencies

This first anniversary also boasts a brand new government shutdown. Apparently Chrump thinks that Obama is the one who wants the government to function, and is having none of it. This past spring he said, “our country needs a good “shutdown”.” He probably thinks Mexico will pay for our shutdown, since it is due exclusively to Chrump’s fantasy wall, which he insists he never said was an actual wall…except for the thousand times he did. To show that he takes all this very seriously and is fully engaged in finding solutions, Chrumpy the Clown planned to show what a man-of-the-people he is by spending yet another weekend at his resort in Florida – golfing and communing with those he ran to represent.

To that end he has scheduled an anniversary event, with tickets for the event starting at $100,000/couple. For only $250,000/couple you can get a seat at the roundtable and have your picture taken with the thing they call president. Oh, to be a millionaire fly on the wall at Mor-on-Lago. I assume he is planning to use this money to fund the government during the shutdown he created. Sadly, Chrumpy was shamed into staying in Washington (which he thinks is a shithole) to pretend to work on stopping the shutdown he caused by lying about accepting any bipartisan plan laid at his feet by Congress. He was presented such a plan, threw a shitholefit, and here we are – nation-as-dead-man-walking, waiting desperately for a reprieve from Bob Mueller.

January 20, 2017, a date that will rival December 7, 1941 for living in infamy. Who will ever be able to forget Chrump’s “American Carnage” inaugural assault/address? My ears still bleed a little every day for having made the mistake of hearing it. It was truly the 9/11 of speeches. Those foolish enough to think he or this nation would get any better under the control of the man who spewed that insane tirade should have their heads examined – I hear that lobotomies are new, improved, and back in vogue – and their voting rights revoked.

Meanwhile, Back at The Russian Ranch

Anyone who has to say that, “there was no collusion” 16 times during a 30-minute interview – without the issue having been raised – might be worried about something. Lying 24 times within those same 30 minutes, while entirely unsurprising should be no less horrifying. And, in a desperate attempt to muddy the crystal-clear waters of the Mueller investigation, Chrump has convinced Jeff Sessions to investigate…guess who: Hillary Clinton. How original. Also, to put the feces-laced icing on the obfuscation cake, the Chrumpublicans on the Senate Intelligence Committee (behind the backs of the Democratic committee members), protecting their king, wants fake charges brought against Christopher Steele. Steele is under fire for digging up too much real dirt on Der Furor and sharing his findings with the FBI due to concern that a serious crime was underway. The crime Steele uncovered was Russian interference in our 2016 presidential election. Some of you might have heard about this.

President Caligula salutes himself

      Chrumperwocky

‘Twas brillig and the slithy Pence

   Did queere and quibbol in Deecee

All manky were the twitterthumbs

   And the mome rats outscreed

“Beware the Chrumperwock, my son 

   The jowls that fart, the thumbs that tweet!

Beware the Bannon bird, and shun

   The frumious Sessionscheat!”

We draw our vorpal ballot in hand

   Long time the chrumpsome foe we fought—

So vote will we, November six,

   And watched him morv to naught.

“And hast thou slain the Chrumperwock?

   Decrapitate impeachy swine?

O fractious day! Callooh! Callay!”

   The last laugh shall be mine (ours).

So raise a glass, if you still have the strength and congratulate yourself for having not fully succumbed to all that is Chrump and his merry band of racist psychos after an entire year. With any luck, we will be losing our minds over the intolerable insanity of President Ryan this time next year.

I. Mangrey (and Lewis Carroll) rebralbring.