Triple Threat

Chrump’s Trifuckta

January 18, 2018

“You may not believe in global warming, but global warming believes in you.”
Bill McKibbin

Just when you thought you had seen it all, or at least seen quite enough, the Chrumpublicans look to put an end to this whole climate debate. No one will bother yammering on about climate change after the latest onslaught. It would be like hiring a top-notch security detail to protect a VIP right after he has been taken out by a sniper. The only difference is that instead of a sniper taking out the target and disappearing into the shadows, the assailant in this case carried out the equivalent of standing in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shooting someone in broad daylight (and not losing any votes). Or something like that.

Not only is the Chrump administration looking to open up both coasts to wanton offshore oil drilling, they also have big plans to gut safety regulations put in place after the Deep Water Horizon disaster and designed to prevent oil disasters at sea. But wait, there’s more. There’s always more.

Deep Water Horizon: For some reason this was not a tourist attraction

 

As part of their recent tax cut from hell, they eliminated the nine-cent-per-barrel tax on oil that was used as an emergency fund to deal with oil spills. This tax was created on the heels of the Exxon Valdez disaster off the coast of Alaska in 1989. And really, nine cents per barrel. How can any oil merchant possibly survive under such oppressive taxation? I mean, how would you like it if you had to pay nine cents every time you spent a dollar or so at the store?

Exxon Valdez: Who doesn’t love Alaskan crab – packed in oil?

 

As of now, it seems that every single governor – or close to it – of a coastal state would prefer that Chrump and his drillers – I will try to keep this civil and professional, presidential, even quoting the great Dick Cheney – go fuck themselves. But wait, there’s more. There’s always more.

How Many Sgt. Schultzes Can Dance on the Heads of The Poor

Florida governor, Rick Scott did not like the idea of opening up his state’s coastal areas to government sanctioned oil thieves. By the way, Scott was CEO of a hospital company when that company was fined $1.7 billion for Medicare fraud. I have never been enmeshed in corporate America, but from what I’ve been able to ascertain over the years, it is clear that CEOs never have the slightest idea what goes on under their noses. Who could forget smartest-guy-in-the-room Ken Lay (close personal friend of George W. Bush – who Bush later denied ever knowing) who was CEO/innocent bystander of Enron while the energy giant ripped off entire states by creating artificial power outages, and stole their employees’ pensions before going bankrupt back in the good-old-days of The Zeros when Bushes and Cheneys and Rumsfelds ran free. Rick Scott or course, is a Chrumpublican governor of a major swing state – one that is likely to dump every single Chrumpublican from office after the way they treated Puerto Rico in 2017 – that also happens to be home to three Chrump-owned golf courses. These are the kinds of coincidences that keep CEOs up at night. That and the fact that for the most part, they are heartless, greedy bastards destroying lives and the planet.

While China, Germany and others are readying themselves to own the already-growing renewable energy market, the United States is intentionally vying to become the oil-soaked-bird of nations, working hard to stay firmly entrenched (literally and figuratively) in the petroleum economy. If we can pull this off, America will be a dinosaur nation, except that the dinosaurs did not commit suicide. The petroleum age is a dead man walking. Unfortunately, it still walks among us, not yet incarcerated without bail, awaiting trial and continuing to wreak havoc.

Meanwhile, the million-gallon-of-oil-laden Iranian tanker that burst into flames off the coast of China on January 6 finally stopped burning…by exploding and sinking into the East China Sea. The worst oil ship disaster in decades has now become two oil slicks – one of which is over 15 square miles, the other over 25 square miles – all in all the size of Paris. Oddly enough, there is concern that all of this runaway oil might harm the environment and contaminate seafood. Sounds like a hoax to me.

Move over Carnival Cruise Lines

 

Speaking of disgusting environmental disasters…

 

I. Mangrey regurgitating. For oil you do.