Chrump Says Many Things Written By Someone Else’s Very Good Brain

The Morning After the STFU SOTU

Home Alone
January 31, 2018

You may find this hard to believe, but I spent most of last night very carefully not watching the latest episode of As The Stomach Turns, starring the reality-president Donald Chrump. Last night’s installment, entitled Hate Of The Union, though dwarfed in the ratings by Jimmy Kimmel’s interview with then-not-yet-president Chrump’s $130K-hushed sleepover buddy Stormy Daniels, was watched live by dozens of people with nothing better to do and/or non-functioning remote controls.

I had something better to do last night. I was busy staring intently at my living room wall. Not the one with all the artwork on it, but the empty one with nothing but an off-white coat or two of paint. And no, I was not watching the paint dry. It dried long ago. It just seemed that this would be a much more productive use of my time at that moment.

The Orange Gas Cloud no doubt had his meds adjusted to the appropriate level that allowed him to spend a few precious moments neither tweeting, waving his pecker while screaming at his staff, stuffing cheeseburgers into his face-sphincter, paying off porn stars, or insulting anyone and everyone. I’m sure he spent those few minutes standing in front of both Houses of Congress – sans those who decided they too would make better use of their time, Supreme Court Justices – minus Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who apparently had a “scheduling conflict”, assorted guests and possibly even Melania Chrump, who was unable to be called away on urgent business at the last moment, due to her contractual obligations with her “husband”.

I have it on good authority that Der Furor spent a good deal of time taking credit for the Obama economy that he inherited and the sky-rocketing Stock Market Obama left him (which by the way had its worst day in quite some time, losing 362 points on the day of Chrump’s SOTU), and threatening North Korea, Iran, some number of shithole countries. He no doubt pretended to be a uniter and not a hateful, racist, woman-hating conman. I guess you can teach an old pig new tricks.

Chrump did not mention the fact that he just blew off sanctions on Russia, his affair and subsequent hush money with a porn star, his unrelenting campaign of obstruction of justice, or what he will be wearing to his impeachment. He failed to mention that FEMA had suddenly stopped supplying emergency food and water to Puerto Rico today. I’m not sure why he left out all of this juicy material, but surely it will come out in due time. Chrump somehow managed to avoid any shout-outs to Nazis or the KKK. Bravo, Mr. Chrump.

Hopefully, you too managed to avoid subjecting yourself to the so-called-presidential stylings of Commander-in-chief #45. I admit that I did watch the lead-up and saw footage of quite a few people lining the route of Der Furor’s motorcade, holding signs and giving #45 two alternative thumbs up as the phalanx of vehicles made its way to Capitol Hill.

I did not make it down to DC for the big night, but I would be remiss
if I did not give Chrump two alternative thumbs up on his big night

 

I. Mangrey repulsed.