March 12, 2020
America’s Virus-in-chief was finally forced to stop
spreading the Novel Corona Virus, and remove his head from his very busy ass
for 10 minutes in order to poorly read a statement on the COVID-19 virus. Chrump has been desperate to have everyone
ignore this rapidly spreading illness. His
main concern of course, is how it will affect his popularity. Chrump is also worried sick that the Stock Market
will crash. Ironically, every move he
has made to hide the problem has 1) caused the Market to drop precipitously
almost every time he opens his oddly shaped mouth, and 2) delayed any sort of meaningful
response, causing the spread of the virus to accelerate.
As usual, Chrump’s delivery more resembled a hostage video
than a presidential address. He was clearly
instructed to keep his hands folded in front of him like a problem child , in
order to keep his happy-hands from performing their usual St. Vitus’ dance
routine, though his thumbs kept trying to either escape or tweet throughout his
pre-school-like delivery. As usual, Chrump’s
main message was, “It’s not my fault. I did
everything perfectly. Everyone else
messed up.” Also as usual, he is dead
wrong on both counts. He fucked this up
so badly from the get-go, and continues to do so with tremendous alacrity.
Impeached-president reads words
he does not understand to a fearful nation.*
The
team Chrump has put in place, with anti-science marshmallow-brought-to-life
Mike Pence in the lead, could not possibly be less qualified, or seemingly less
interested in martialing even a minimally credible response, since job one
appears to be protecting Chrump from looking like an idiot. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
*As always, we apologize for posting
such graphic and disturbing images; we hope no one will be emotionally scarred
or made physically ill for having seen this one.
I. Mangrey respiring.
Wash your hands and stay at least six feet away from Chrump.
I cannot unsee his orangina face. Also cannot listen to him. Yknow how it is..
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