Carpe Dumbass

The Reign Is Falling

December 15, 2020

First things first. Joe Biden continues his record-breaking string of election victories. Yesterday the Electoral College affirmed what Donald Chrump once described this way: “We had a massive landslide victory, as you know, in the Electoral College, I guess the final number is 306 and [my opponent] is down to a very low number.” This makes it approximately 50 times that Biden has defeated Chrump, forcing him into early retirement and rescuing America from certain death. No other candidate in history has beaten his opponent so many times in a single election. SAD.

People talk about Chrump Fatigue Syndrome – the feeling of hopelessness, despair and crushing ennui resulting from the sheer volume of insane conspiracy theories, hatred, fascism and stupidity with which we have been faced every minute of every day at the tiny hands of creation’s latest attempt to disprove, or at least negate the value of the existence of God – Donald Chrump.

We are living with battered life syndrome. America is suffering mental, emotional and now, thanks to the Chrumpvirus pandemic, physical abuse. But many Americans seem unable, and in many cases unwilling to free ourselves from our abuser. Many of us want to just look away, walk away and get away. As far and as fast as possible, in order to hold on to our last shreds of sanity and humanity. If you have not felt yourself harboring all manner of bad thoughts toward various individuals who voted for, enabled, excused and exulted Chrump, then you are either a very spiritual individual or completely oblivious to reality – the former to be showered with praise, the latter to be pummeled with abuse.

Just the other day, a Quaker friend of mine bared his pained soul, realizing that the only way to make progress with the tens of millions of COVID-coddling kooks is for some among them of high station to succumb to the deadly virus. And not just Herman Cain level; someone more currently important to their malevolent movement. But of course, those of special position are privy to treatments unavailable to us hoi polloi. Chrump and those he deems worthy are treated to cures you and I will likely never see.

The COVID-19 vaccine is still months away for most Americans, and most Chrumpians still refuse to listen to medical experts, preferring instead to get infected and infect the rest of us. With winter coming on, maybe it would be a good idea to give some cozy blankets loaded with coronavirus to all those deserving millions of mask-averse, virus deniers in all those red states. It’s the humane thing to do. They love the virus after all. They either think it doesn’t exist, claim not to care if they get it, or both. I say let them have it.

This is all a no-brainer to me. Just as surely as Charles Manson belongs behind bars for the deaths of Sharon Tate, et al, despite never having personally committed a single murder, Chrump, et al deserve the same consideration for their relentless complicity in the deaths of what will soon be 500,000 of our fellow citizens. Even if they hadn’t flaunted their station by accepting treatment unavailable to most. This behavior might be considered to be even worse than Hillary Clinton’s inappropriate use of email servers; that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Caveat Ex-prez

Gerald Ford and Barack Obama refused to hold their respective predecessors accountable for egregious acts against the Constitution and the American people (not to mention the countless deaths of Americans and others directly attributable to both). Each in his own time said we must look forward, not back. It worked very poorly in both cases. You cannot move forward very well without as reasonable assessment of where you’ve been. If you don’t know where you’ve been, and don’t clean up the messes you left behind, what makes you think you have any idea where you’re going next or why?

If more proof that these decisions to ignore the gross misbehavior of presidents once they were out of office are dangerous, and did nothing instill in the public that the Constitution is real and has real meaning, I give you Dick Cheney and Donald Fucking Chrump. These are the kinds of people you get when it is made clear that there is no accountability for crimes against the nation or against humanity. The messes made by Nixon and Bush II are not the kind you can just walk away from. They stick to your shoe like a contemptuous streamer of toilet paper.

He wears it well. You know someone had to put it there, there’s 

no way he wipes his own ass with those little hands.

To be fair, Chrump is not like toilet paper hitching a ride on America’s shoe as the country steps lively, attempting to ditch the stowaway. Chrump is more like stepping in an extra-large dollop of dog shit. If you don’t clean that shit off your shoes, you’ll just end up tracking all over your house. I hope you don’t have any fancy carpets.

President Death Strikes Again

Chrump decided he wasn’t killing enough people with his pet virus, so he murdered a black man in prison since the age of 18 for being adjacent to a murder. Many had asked for a stay of execution for this unfortunate man, but alas, worst of all to Chrump's mind, he was black.

I. Mangrey repapering.