Bringing You The Future Before It's Too Late, Part I

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

The End (of The Year) is Near

December 26, 2020

Where Will We Have Gone From Here

The gang here at Paying Attention is once again poised to try our hand at divining the year to come. With Chrump’s crushing defeat by Joe Biden, and America barely surviving dozens of insane, evidence-free lawsuits tossed, laughed, kicked and generally humiliated out of court, and all efforts to replace Biden-pledged electors with cardboard cutout Chrump lackeys, it is barely possible to discern the present. Certainly hard to believe or stomach it. Many people do not realize that predicting the future is not an exact science. Truth be told, science is not always an exact science. A large swath of America does not even think science is real. In reality – as if that’s still a thing – nobody can predict the future…as if that’s still a thing. Nonetheless, we will put our dubious reputation on the line to tell it like it will be. Our record has been as good as anyone’s since our first foray into Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle back in 2013.

I. Carnac, questioning all the answers that will be given in 2021

Here we are, at the end of 2020, the year many feared might never end. The nascent year commenced with the giddy hope that the impeachment of Donald Chrump would bring sanity back to our lives, deep down we knew that Moscow Mitch’s lackeys would never do what was best for the country. No sooner had Republican’ts summarily dismissed the serious and proven charges against Chrump, but the Lord Almighty visited a plague upon the nation led by a blasphemous conman who had broken at least nine of the Ten Commandments on a fairly regular basis. It was only days later that we learned of a virulent, though fortunately not overly deadly virus taking hold across the globe. Donald Chrump’s response, as it has been to so many things he does not like, was to call it a hoax. It wasn’t. thanks to his inimitable handling of the problem, we now have more than 340,000 dead Americans, with no imminent end to the carnage in sight, despite the arrival of vaccines.

Then we had an election that was much closer than most had hoped, showing just how mired in racism, fascism and Chrumpism this nation is. Perhaps even worse was Chrump’s response – sedition, threats of martial law and a level of abdication of duty above and beyond what we had thought was laziest, least interested president in history. With any luck, and as of this moment, it is anything but certain that the Orange Usurper will vacate the premises in a timely manner, 2021 will in fact bring the end of Chrump’s time as un-president. Right now, it looks pretty unpromising.

In any event, here is what we believe you will see over the next 12 months…

January 6, 2021

Chrump Flunks Out of Electoral College...Again

Despite the fact that Congress has officially certified the Electoral College vote, Chrump and his big top of clown/lawyers are more desperate than ever after the Democrats took control of the Senate by sweeping the two pathetic, grifting Republican’t incumbents under the rug. They finally get the Supreme Court, anxious to do Chrump’s bidding, to look closely at all the ballots Chrump insisted were fake, rigged and illegal. Funny thing; it turns out that 90% of these votes by dead people, fake people, cats, dogs, emus and cheeseburgers were in fact for Chrump.

Thanks to Chrump’s relentless efforts, Biden's lead in the popular vote jumps to 20,000,000 and it turns out that Chrump lost Florida, North Carolina and Texas, giving Biden 388 to Chrump's 150. Chrump continues to insist he won.

Let’s all sing like the turdies do, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet

January 11, 2021

Cold Medalist

Having exhausted most means of fucking things up in order to leave the Biden administration the worst possible mess to clean up, Chrump turned his attention-deficit to just doing random stupid shit before relinquishing his imagined crown. On this day IMPEACHED Lame-duck Fake president Donald Chrump gives the Medal of Freedom to his long-time friend the COVID-19 virus. “Since the very lame and very outdated Constitution and many annoying people say that I can’t give myself the Presidential Medal of Freedom, I decided to do the next best thing and give this special recognition to the most powerful American of last year – the great China virus. I have spoken.” 

Chrump's crowning achievement

Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King bringing you the future before it’s too late.

Go and get a stiff drink and gird your loins folks, we’re just getting started.  It is predicted that Part II will be appearing very soon.