Pardon Parcel

Letting His People Go

December 27, 2020

We interrupt the future to bring you the latest bullshit from the present. Unfortunately, Joe Biden remains president-elect. We still have to survive another 24 days under the current regime before he becomes the real thing. There are no guarantees folks. We are like a classroom full of frightened children desperately fighting to survive a psychotic active shooter firing blindly around the room.

When we last spoke, IMPEACHED Fake Lame-Duck president Donald Chrump threw a hand grenade into the finally-passed COVID-19 relief package needing only his dumbass signature to put badly needed – however insufficient – money into the pockets of real Americans. As usual, Chrump shits all over the place and walks away, fully expecting someone to come along and wipe his dumb ass.

Somebody pooped all over the Constitution

Remember, you can only get a pardon after you have been found guilty. And all these fucking pardons Chrump is doling out, how much is he selling them for in reality? Not all of the slimeballs he is letting off the hook have big bucks, but many do. For others, it is not a stretch to think he just envies murderers – one of the few crimes outside Chrump’s repertoire. He’s probably excited to think he will be able to hire these scum as security for the time he spends out of jail, with the added bonus of holding his pardon over their heads so he won’t have to pay them.

Besides the fact that he’s pardoning war criminals, crooked politicians and Jared Kushner’s dirtbag father, one would be remiss not to wonder what kind of arrangements – financial and otherwise – the self-proclaimed artist-of-the-deal is making for these pardons. Someone should be watching Chrump – at least until he’s behind bars – to see what kind of money floats into his coffers, and from whom.

Among the dozens of pardoned felons can be found each and every fellow Russian colluder – Mike Flynn, Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulos, Roger Stone and a few lesser lights who lied to investigators. Our sources have it on good authority that before he is dragged out of the White House, Chrump will pardon, Benedict Arnold, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray, Sirhan Sirhan, Charles Manson, Osama bin Laden and the coronavirus.

Chrump has some choice words for his party

We have also heard that before he vacates the White House – if he does – Chrump intends to rename the Lincoln Bedroom the Jefferson Davis Suite, replete with Stars and Bars and CSA memorabilia. Since Chrump seems to have plenty of time on his hands, a rapidly deteriorating mind, and limitless power to fuck everything up to his heart’s content for another 24 days, we can expect much more mayhem.

People talk about Joe Biden's mental capacity. He could be dead over a week and still be more mentally and physically fit to be president than Chrump.

I. Mangrey reporting. Only 24 more shitting-our-pants days until Inauguration.