Phonies' Phone Call

Perfectly Great

February 2, 2021

Turmp finally turns on fellow conspiracy-soaked mental defective Marjorie Taylor Greene after squawking with her on the phone.

Phone-y genius

“Queen Greene must be very proud of herself. She told the fake media that we had a “great phone call.” I don’t have to take that kind of crap, not even from a great Q American, without all that LGBT nonsense. Maybe if she was hotter things would be different. And if Melania was out of town. And I can say ‘crap’ now since I’m still waiting for Sleepy Joe to concede. I can say all kinds of shit right now because, since my election was stolen, I have many rights that many people are telling me are in the Constitution. Many people who know lawyers are telling me I still have absolute power since I still believe I’m president. Anyway, I tried my best to keep Margie – I call her Margie – in Congress by blessing her with a perfect phone call. Many people are telling her to quit, but I think she should do what I think is right. I like that she wanted to impeach Sleepy Joe even before he took my office. And she thinks Crooked Hillary eats babies. Plus, that Jewish lasers starting wildfires in Califoria thing is terrific, not as good as sweeping the forests, but I like it. But she better get her stories straight, especially when it comes to having a perfect Turmp phone call. Did you hear what I said? A perfect phone call. Perfect. Not good. Not great. It was perfect, just like all of my phone calls. I am not only the king of debt, I’m the king of perfect phone calls. If Marge – I call her Marge – publicly apologizes, I might have to reconsider. Otherwise, I just might have to sue her. Assuming I can find a lawyer.”

Speaking Of Lawyers

Has anyone seen my lawyers?

In an interview with the Atlanta Jewish Times, one of Turmp’s C-team lawyers, David Schoen, who defended Roger Stone (Stone was convicted on all seven counts brought against him.) and consulted with Jeffrey Epstein days before his death bragged, “I represented all sorts of reputed mobster figures: alleged head of Russian mafia in this country, Israeli mafia and two Italian bosses, as well a guy the government claimed was the biggest mafioso in the world.” Obviously, this guy has plenty of experience with operators like Turmp. We do now know how well he represented these monsters, he clearly knows all the best people. Turmp’s other new legal slug Bruce Castor, Jr. declined to prosecute Bill Cosby in 2005 and was forced to resign (Cosby was later found guilty of rape.). So, both of these new guys are good with sex offenders as well. Turmp has found his dream team.

To paraphrase O.J.’s dream team, “If he’s full of shit, you can’t acquit.”

I. Mangrey, scooping the news with a pooper scooper.

BONUS NONSENSE:

Prediction from Dec 2016      

  February 2, 2017

Pennsylvania legend and powerful prognosticator in his own right, Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his winter nap somewhere in the depths of Chrump’s “hair”, sees his shadow and runs back into the tangled mass of cordage, signaling another nine months of executive branch insanity. The American public immediately decides the smaller rodent should be the 46^th president.