A Tale Of Two Presidents

Someone Feels Your Pain…Someone Else Does Not

July 2, 2021

Yesterday, President Joe Biden spent time in Surfside, Florida offering condolences to families who lost loved ones and those still living in desperate hope that their missing family members might somehow be found alive amid the horrific rubble. Biden did not merely show up to throw paper towels, or do a fly-over like George W did when he finally got around to thinking about Hurricane Katrina. Unsurprisingly, President Biden spent nearly three hours meeting with first responders and consoling survivors and families of those lost and missing. He met personally with each family. Can you imagine what the last guy would have done? Hopefully not. 

Oh, The Lack Of Humanity 

Not to be outdone, well franticly attempting to not be outdone, the twice-impeached ex-Florida blogger also decided to show his – let’s call it – face near the scene of the tragedy. Not the soul-crushing tragedy that is his very existence, but the tragedy of the collapsed condo that has caused so much devastation and grief.

Despite Turmp's new up-and-coming rival for attention, power and unrivaled stupidity, Florida Governor Ron Desantis’ protestations to please stay away, Donald Turmp, never one to pass up an opportunity to put himself center stage even in the face of supreme need by others, insisted in trying to overshadow this moment of monumental human suffering for his own selfish need for adoration.

Or maybe Turmp was trying to divert attention away from the fresh 15-felony-count indictment (as part of an alleged 15-year tax scheme) of his long-time confidant and chief financial officer of the fraudulent company that bears Turmp’s now-toxic name, as well having just seen his namesake organization itself indicted. Either way, it had to be all about him.

Paying Attention has risked life and lunch to provide you with a partial transcript of the ex-blogger’s wanton words of whatever:

“My friends, it is your favorite president. Some say previous president, but everyone knows that I am still and always will be the greatest, and who knows, maybe the last president this country, most of which I built with my own very normal sized hands, ever. Don’t listen to the fake voting that the fake news keeps telling you. Those losers still think that drinking bleach won’t kill the virus – it will; every time.

Also, don’t listen to the fake historians who also fake voted that I was – am, actually – the fourth worst president ever. More fake, probably mail-in, voting. My people are looking into this fake history very closely and very strongly. They’re already finding some amazing things that I will tell you about very soon, once I no longer have to flush my toilets 10 times every time I get up from tweeting. Even though no one can actually read any of my tweets, I still do it all day. I’m saving them up so that when I’m reinstated on Twitter, right after being reinstated as president, I will release every one of my tweets so everyone will know exactly what I’ve been thinking all this time since I got illegally thrown off for being a giant, lying douchebag. I don’t think Sleepy Joe Biden has even tweeted once since I was reelected. Such a loser.

But that’s not why I came here. I came here because many of you are suffering because of the very bad apartment building that fell over recently. But mostly you are suffering because I, Donald Turmp, am no longer living in the White House, or maybe you were worried that I was in that building when it collapsed, but don’t worry, I’m fine. It’s too bad none of you people are rich enough to stay at my wonderful Mor-on Lago resort while you’re figuring out where to live after you lost everything when your homes collapsed so bigly.

You’ll notice that the collapsed building didn’t have Turmp’s name on it. I’ve never killed anyone, except maybe with that fake virus, but my buildings never collapsed or killed anyone. But does anyone ever thank me for that? The answer is no. If I was allowed to keep doing the incredible job I was doing as president, none of those people would have died and we would already have found the ones the didn’t die. Just like the excellent job I did with the phony coronavirus, which was a big hoax by the deep state to hurt Turmp. Anyway, be glad you’re not dead like all those other suckers and losers who got crushed over there.”

Unfortunately, we have not heard the last of this damaged demon. With any luck at least some of what we hear will be him perjuring himself while attempting to save his business and brand. Fingers crossed. Pins and voodoo doll at the ready. Witches coven on retainer.

I. Mangrey purporting.