This Just In

Call Me By Someone Else’s Name

July 17, 2021

I hate to bring this up, but like a global pandemic, or a global climate crisis, a twice-impeached, disgraced insurrectionist, ex-blogger and former reality tv clown who refuses to get the fuck out of our faces, and insists that he will one day (August 13, in fact), like a miracle, be reinstated as make-believe president, must unfortunately continue to be talked about.

Now that Donald Turmp has sullied his brand name, hopefully beyond repair, his family has decided that, like tobacco companies and the disgraced mercenary outfit founded by the brother of Betsy DeVos - Blackwater - it was time to hide their name from the public. Some of the names being floated by the Turmp kids as less despised are Best Eastern, Enron, The Bigly, $$$$, Sgt. Bilker and Splunge.

Though Pappy the Clown continues to insist, “My name is the greatest name, probably in history. Everyone loves the name Turmp almost as much as they love me. Remember, I was, and soon will be again the greatest president ever. I was never thanked enough, but everyone loved Turmp as president. Sleepy Joe will be out soon and I will be reinstated to my rightful place. Everybody knows this. I will have a very, very big announcement very soon. It will make everyone happy for a long time. Believe me.”

I’ll be back.

Ninety percent of Turmp’s cultists cannot afford to stay in his over-priced, fleabag hotels (well, those whose actual owners have paid to have Turmp’s name slapped on the facades of their buildings), would not be welcome in his home and probably no dozen of them combined could go in on a single membership at one of his crappy golf resorts...assuming he would even let them on the premises. In reality, Donald despises his cult members, except maybe the racist ones.

I. Mangrey with good reason.