My Interview With You-Know-What, Part Two
July 27, 2021
We apologetically return you
now to the finale of our exclusive sit-down/throw-up with the creature known
for all time as America’s 45th and worst president. Thank you and
good luck.
Turmp: First of all, it was the Kung Flu – a great name by the way, that I came up with – and it was a hoax for a very long time, and there’s no proof it killed anyone, and I had nothing to do with all the people it killed. I’m not a doctor damn it, I’m a business man. And probably the best one ever. And even though I’m not a doctor, my superior brain knows more about flus and viruses and vaccines than any of those loser doctors out there.
Mangrey: One more question
about your pet virus and then we’ll move on. How do you feel about the fact
that even though you keep lying all the time about how you created the vaccine,
and when it became available you pushed to the front of the line to get it in
private, most members of your insane cult say they will never get vaccinated
because the “don’t trust the government?” Does it bother you that they won’t
get “your” vaccine and that the government they don’t trust was actually yours?
Or do you just chalk it up to the fact that they are, after all, too stupid to
live?
Turmp: Everybody loves my
vaccine. The only reason some very fine people are not getting it is because
Sleepy Joe won’t let them or because they don’t trust his government, because
it’s not his, it’s mine. In fact, I did win the election. You know it, I know
it, and everyone you know knows it. And you know that, too.
Mangrey: If you're such a
clean-living, stand-up...let's say...guy, how is it that practically everyone
around you in your fake administration and your fake business either pleaded
guilty and needed you to pardon them, or was found guilty and you had to pardon
them, or is currently under indictment wishing you could pardon them? And why
did you repeatedly ask if you could pardon yourself, even without or before
having been indicted yourself?
Turmp: I have the best people.
Everywhere I look all I see is the best people, except when I look at CNN or
MSNBC or you. Everyone I work with is the best person ever – like Stephen
Miller, Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, the great general Mike Flynn, Paul Manafort,
Allen Weisselberg, Tom Barrack – you will not find better people anywhere.
Everyone knows this. Why do you have to ask me fake questions like this? Do you
think I’m stupid?
Well, do I think he is stupid? What do you think I think?
Mangrey: I will just leave your
answer there for others to dissect, and as a favor to you – don’t ask me why I
would ever do you a favor – I won’t answer your question. The answer to that
will be obvious to anyone with an IQ larger than their shoe size, which I
realize rules out most of your cult, but there’s no point trying to tell them
anything anyway. Now as promised, and frankly I don’t think I could tolerate
one more minute in the same room with you anyway, I have just one last question,
and please don’t take this the wrong way – exactly what the fuck is wrong with
you? It’s not me saying this, many people are asking this. I saw in on Twitter,
all over the internet, on billboards and public restroom walls. Do you have any
idea? I’m guessing not, but I just had to ask. I need a good laugh.
Turmp: What a fake question. I
don’t have any idea what you mean. You can ask anyone, I’m absolutely perfect.
Never made a mistake, except not calling out the military to shoot down those
nasty Black Lives Matter terrorists. Very big hands, the best words, a very,
very large uh-brain, very stable genius, greatest president ever. I dare you to
find in one single tiny flaw. I made this country great again, and greater than
it ever was – even greater than when we had slaves. What the hell have you ever
done?
Well, thank God that’s over. I
have not done very many interviews, and I certainly wish I hadn’t had to do
this one. I’m going to need one of those showers people have to take after
being exposed to radiation. I hope that fucker is not contagious to
non-Ratpublicans. Of course, Turmp is also simply too stupid to realize how
stupid he is. Some people can look around and realize they are just not as
smart as most others. Turmp is convinced that he is the smartest guy ever. It is
time for him to prove it by donating his very, very large uh-brain to science. Immediately.
I. Mangrey recovering. No animals
were harmed during the course of this interview…except for the interviewer.
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