Fraught For The Day

Ratpublicans Relentlessly Fighting For Duminence

June 17, 2022

Gun fetishist and cutting-edge kook Rep. Margarine Taylor Greene (R-Qanon) is very worried. Not nearly as worried as she is stupid or insane, but very. Marje is convinced that “Probably, in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore.” Well, maybe that’s what you get for forcing women to have babies whether they like it or not. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she did not do the math on her demented prediction, preferring instead to pull the numbers out of her ass (where she probably thinks babies emerge) while managing to leave her head there to continue figuring stuff out in her own special way. 

Greene (right) and soulless mate Lauren Boebert

Making the case for mandatory abortions and cancelling straight people 

It might not seem obvious to someone obsessed with Jewish Space Lasers (still haven’t gotten mine; must be a supply chain issue; either that or their perpetual non-existence), facing extraordinary rendition to a department-store-black-site under Marshall Law, or being dragged away from the dinner table by the Gazpacho Police, or scariest of all, being mistaken for a fuzzy fruit and forced to be an involuntary test subject in a lab full of Peach Tree Dishes, but most people who are not strictly or not at all heterosexual, were born of heterosexual parents. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Although, it must be said that more and more humans (as if we needed any more) are conceived in Peach Tree Dishes, despite God’s clear intention that they not be permitted to procreate. 

Most people who are not Margarine Taylor Greene either know that many heterosexuals give birth to children who identify as LGBTQ+ and simply do not give a shit. If straight people going extinct means no more Margie Taylor Greenes then it really is something to consider. Until then, she really needs to be placed in a witless protection “safe” house, with padded walls and no doors – to protect her from being mass shot, of course. 

For better or worse, we’re going to have to keep a few determined heteros around strictly for breeding purposes, even if we have to enact Marshall Law and send out the Gazpacho Police to keep these breeders, or at least their sperm and eggs sequestered in Peach Tree Dishes. 

I predict Greene will lose her next primary to an AR-15 

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