Broken News – Phil-ing You In

And A Prognosticating Groundhog Shall Lead Them

February 5, 2025

This is not a correction of anything originating here at Paying Attention™. Our hands are clean on this one.

There was an apparent mix-up with Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day. The poor, put-upon groundhog of annual fifteen-minutes-of-fame fame was reported to have seen his shadow and scurried back to the safety and anonymity of his comfy abode, signaling another six weeks of winter.

However, there was a confounding factor that was not evident until careful review by GD replay officials.

It turned out that what caused Phil to make a hasty retreat was not his shadow, and therefore was not a harbinger of much more winter. It turned out to be some insensitive oaf with the likeness of our intolerable 47th president. No, not fElon Mush, the other guy. With the orange pancake makeup and discolored cotton-candy-hair. Phil got one eyeful of that coagulating countenance and hot-footed it back underground. Which we all may need to consider if Der Furor continues his wrathful, fascist rampage.

Hell, seeing that puss makes me want to crawl into a dark hole for four years. No groundhog should have to be subjected to such affrontery.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled hiccups.