Crisis Me a River

Nice Planet You Got There, Shame if Something Happened To It
 

February 18, 2019

Stop saying ‘climate change.’  It is a climate crisis.  Change is generally normal.  And the word change is ambivalent.  This is not normal.  There is nothing ambivalent here. This is a crisis.  Crisis bad.

Too many people – mostly ill-informed and/or voluntarily ignorant people – hear climate change, and for one reason or another think of someone on the teevee telling them how hot or cold it will be this week.  Or they think of a braindead senator from Oklahoma brandishing a snowball on the Senate floor in February, claiming the end of global warming.

His given middle name is “Mountain”, his functional middle name is “Shitforbrains”

On the one hand, they might have a point believing that science is stupid.  After all, the fact that they are still alive and continue to reproduce does seem to be evidence that Darwin’s Theory of evolution, survival of the fittest, must be mistaken.

Cover of NOVA transcript from Dec 20, 1983 (yes, I still have it)

From NOVA, originally broadcast Dec 20, 1983:

Narrator: Weather.  Everybody talks about it.  From season to season, we have an idea of what to expect.  But now, a growing number of atmospheric scientists are convinced that the climate is likely to change – and change dramatically.

The reason is an odorless, colorless gas, produced when we burn fossil fuels – petroleum, natural gas or oil – in the engines which power our world.  It is called carbon dioxide.

Scientists now believe that increased quantities of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere are leading to a significant warming of our planet, possibly within the next few years.

That was 1983, for those of you who are Chrump supporters or other Chrumpublicans, or even anti-science Independents, that was over 35 years ago.  A few years as far as planets go, but almost two human generations ago.  And still, people like yourself remain too stupid to allow the rest of us to take the sensible path forward and protect the one planet we know we can count on to feed, clothe and shelter us.  For now.

People much smarter than you – or me, for that matter – were sounding the alarm.  Fossil fuel corporations like Exxon, General Electric (among others) were already getting out ahead of the warnings by burying research that showed that these warnings were quite real, and buying up and burying patents for technologies that would replace fossil fuels with renewable resources. Oddly enough, the episode was entitled “The Climate Crisis.”  Crisis.  Did I mention this aired in 1983?

According to a recent poll, 81% of registered voters – including 91% of Democrats, 80% of Independents, and 69% of Republican’ts are in favor of regulating carbon dioxide as a pollutant.  Completely unperturbed, the man single-handedly keeping the hairspray industry afloat, the man so orange Sunkist has begged him to be their mascot, the man so ignorant village idiots point at him derisively, Donald Chrump apparently does not see climate.  Or the Constitution.  Or over 60% of Americans.  Or his useless pecker (the one that does not own the National Enquirer) without a mirror. 

Chrump, exhausting.  Do not check out the back end.

Mr. Chrump, think of this as climate terror or maybe a caravan of killer climates trying to take over our towns and cities.  I know that you are frustrated because you cannot build a wall to keep this caravan from invading.  Although, you did want to build a wall to stop the ocean from invading your soon-to-be-bankrupt golf course in Scotland, you know, the one you badgered, bullied and evicted people to force on the Scottish people, while destroying beautiful, environmentally sensitive countryside/coastline.  Wake up you arrogant, ignorant slob.  John F. Kennedy wanted America to go to the moon.  You are lucky to make it to the bathroom, which is probably why you spend most of your day there.

 



“The only national emergency is that our president is an idiot.”
Former Chrump fan girl, Ann Coulter – February 15, 2019

Of course, aimless Annie also tweeted,

A lying liar standing up for the very honest republican’t party

I. Mangrey, green with fury.  Green New Deal, bitches.