February 16, 2019
NASA announced Wednesday that its Mars land rover
Opportunity has died after 15 years. The six-wheeled vehicle’s death is being
attributed to a severe dust storm, according to the Associated Press. Opportunity's last message to scientists was
basically, 'My battery is low and it's getting dark.'
Chrump heard the news of Opportunity’s “disappearance” and
immediately insisted it had been stolen.
“There’s a lot of bad hombres up there, that I can tell you. That’s why we need a wall right away. Who knows what happened up there? We know it wasn’t Russia. Why would it be? It could be some guy who weighs 400 pounds
sitting in his mother’s basement. Or the
radical left. They will do anything to
make Chrump look bad. That’s my
job. As you know, I’ve asked NASA to speed
things up and get us to Mars in next few weeks.
I mean, how hard can it be? We
have to find out what happened our Mars thingie before it’s too late. I think those things cost a lot of money, but
I’m sure I can get them much cheaper if I tried. And who knows, I just might try if the
radical left stops killing my wall, which by the way is already built. Many people don’t know this but I’ve been to
Mars many, many times. How do you think
that rover thing got there? I’m already
working on a very big deal over there. Excellent
golfing location. Believe me.”
Is there Chrump on Mars? Yet another doctored White House photo
“I am going to get to
Mars very easily and build a beautiful casino with the most amazing wall anyone
has ever seen. My incredible wall, which
they may call the Chrump wall after it is built and I put my name all over it,
will be so high, it will be so easy to get to Mars you won’t believe it. After my excellent physical, which shows that
I have the best genes, and I’m in perfect health for an obese man with high
cholesterol, and probably heart disease, if not liver damage, it should be no
problem getting to Mars. I don’t know why NASA is taking so long, but I alone
can fix that. Maybe after that, I can go
to the Sun and finally put a stop to all that fake global warming.”
America’s harebrained halfwit-in-chief never even heard of
Mars before someone planted the idea in his head a few months ago that it would
be impressive if NASA landed on the red planet on his watch. With Chrump’s unique grasp of all things
science, it is a wonder that he believes Mars actually exists. As it stands, he thinks he can get NASA to
speed things up and put a man up there very quickly. I get the sense that as far as Chrump goes, his
battery is low, and it’s getting dark.
I. Mangrey repairing.
Space is the place.
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