SOTU Aftermouth - The Mourning After

Donald Smallhands Saves the World (Or So He Says)

February 6, 2019

I have to admit that I did not watch the State of Disunity address as read, though not written by, Donald Chrump, who according to numerous news sources – several of which are not even fake – is the current president.  Of the United States.  Of America.  I still have to punch myself to make sure I am not dreaming, or already dead.  I know most people pinch themselves to make sure they are awake, but these days pinching is just not convincing.  I plan to stop punching myself as soon as Chrump’s Reign of Carnage comes to a screeching halt.

Actually, I did watch a little bit, but I was not feeling masochistic enough to have the sound on.  What struck me most was Nancy Pelosi, who had the good fortune to be sitting behind Chrump, thereby being spared what the rest of the nation had to endure – Chrump’s festively if not nauseatingly colored visage.  Pelosi seemed to be struggling alternately to keep from laughing and to keep from losing her lunch, as she listened in disbelief to whatever insincere, self-aggrandizing, clueless drivel that surely spilled out of Chrump’s ever-pooching face sphincter.

Pelosi trying not to humiliate Chrump any more than he humiliates himself

I am sure Mr. Chrump said many wonderful and inspirational worgs and phroses, many of which will be remembered long after the dawn of civilization, but not more than a few moments after they pass his lips.  If there is anything that Chrump is good at it is…wait don’t tell me…it’s on the tip of my tongue.  Nope, it’s gone.  Oh wait, I remember – it’s bankruptcy.  Not particularly useful for running a nation, but I guess you have to go with your strengths.  Chrump also knows how to make funny shapes with his little hands while he talks.  Not quite sure what that is all about, but it does distract from the stupid shit coming out of his mouth, and that is a big plus.

According to most reports, no one was seriously injured by the speech, at least not physically.  With the possible exception of Speaker Pelosi, who may have swallowed her tongue on a number of occasions.

The state of our union is Chrump.  It will continue to be so for the foreseeable future, and once it ends, the attempt at recovery will be similar to trying to unmelt the polar ice cap.

I. Mangrey refried.