A Lot Of Number Two

Salt Lake Shitty

October 9, 2020

On Wednesday night, vice presidential candidate Kamala Harris dined heartily on nothing burger/current vice president Mike “Thank The Lord There Were Barriers Between Me And A Woman Who Is Not My Wife/Mother” Pence.

Giving ultimate credence to the old phrase “If you lie down with a psychotic, pathological liar, you wake up with your head up his ass,” Pence came to the debate loaded for bare-faced lying that could almost make Donald Chrump blush – not that you would be able to see it through his current double dose of orange pancake.

Harris had to watch her step, as many Americans are scared to death of women, particularly powerful, accomplished women. Oh and did I mention she is also a black/Asian woman? No, I did not, because that is the scariest of all here in the land of the free, home of the slave.

Fun Fact: Kamala Harris’ sparring partner during her debate prep before facing the terrifyingly translucent, anti-choice, anti-gay Mike Pence, was none other than Pete Buttigieg. Oh, snap.

Republican’ts are never able to resist talking over other people and Pence was no exception. Harris had to repeatedly remind her apparently hard-of-hearing and unquestionably hard of thinking opponent that she was speaking. And once again, the extra-hapless debate moderator had to ask aloud if the Republican’t participant did in fact agree to the debate rules ahead of time, since there was so much evidence to the contrary.

Pence repeatedly spoke longer than the rules allowed, despite the moderator’s rather timid attempts to get him to shut the fuck up. To be fair, it cannot be easy to squeeze so many lies into a two-minute segment. Pence was so full of shit that a fly landed on his had and feasted for over two minutes. (see above)

Roger Ruskin Spear – I’m a Fly

Speaking of Debased Debates…

The Commission on Presidential Debates has ruled that since one of the participants in the upcoming second presidential debate next week is a walking biological weapon, the debate will be held virtually. Chrump, desperate to avoid having his infected, contagious, steroid-addled head handed to him once again, replied to the commission, “It’s not acceptable to us…I beat him in the first debate.* At the second debate we have a never-Trumper as a host, but that’s okay because I beat him in the second debate also** and, uh, but I’m not going to do a virtual debate. I’m not going to waste my time on a virtual debate.” For once, though obviously without knowing it, by bailing out on the debate, Donald Juicing Chrump is doing something to benefit the American public.

Fun Fact #2: The side effects of dexamethasone, the steroid that is part of Chrump’s current drug regimen, are known to include confusion, delirium, mania and feelings of grandiosity – in other words, being Donald Chrump.

I think they should let Chrump show up to the town hall location and see if anyone is stupid enough to walk into the same room as COVID Donny, and Biden should compete from a secure, undisclosed location. Chrump is also worried the moderator might cut off his microphone when he starts raving like a lunatic again. They should not turn his mic off for any reason, and Joe Biden should simply say, “Please continue bozo…I’m sorry, I mean Mr. Bozo.”

During the first debate Joe Biden called Chrump a clown,
then apologized…for some unknown reason

_________________________
*No, he did not. He lost bigly. He acted like a rabid dingo. He is psychotic.
**Someone should tell him that the second debate has not happened yet, except in his rapidly deteriorating mind.

I. Mangrey reporting. I hear there’s an election coming up. So is my breakfast.