Asshole In COVID Land

An Election Carroll

October 27, 2020

After an entire day off, everyone is feeling refreshed…well, as refreshed as can be expected with only a week to go before Election Day 2020: America Votes, Crosses Its Fingers And Holds Its Breath. There will be no down time, no sleep, no time to lose. We don’t want to miss a single lie, a single poll. Will Joe Biden be able to defeat the Big Cheat? Unseat the Orange Bag of Meat?

Nonetheless, we have to admit to being a bit punchy. On our day off, before shit gets too serious for words, we squeezed out as much fun as we could muster. As we attempt to extricate ourselves from the tiny clutches of Asshole in Wonderland, enjoy our little homage to Lewis Carroll as we all struggle to make it back through the losing glass.

Chrumperwonky?!?

Snicker-Snack anyone?

‘Twas ‘vember and the slimy toad
   Did conspire and mumble ev’ry day:
All flimsy were the lies he told,
   The bullshit out weighed.

Beware the Orange Cloud, my son!
   The jowls that spew, the brain that rots!
Beware the shit-for-brains and shun,
   His fascist election plots.

He took our country, fucked it bad,
   Long time some knew he suck’d it bigly-
So tested he democracy
   And tweeted higgledy piggledy.

As in a mindless piddle he reigned,
   The Orange Cloud, with viral shame,
Eschewed the mask, the science, the brain,
   He killed us all the same!

One, two! Fuck, you! He’s through, he’s through
  The electorate went snicker-snack!
They brought him low, they kicked his balls,
   And turned his Orange blue.

And hast thou crushed the Orange Cloud?
   Just make him gone, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
   And finally find some joy.

‘Twas ‘tober and the slimy toad
   Did conspire and mumble ev’ry day:
All flimsy were the lies he told,
   The bullshit out weighed.

Is there a way back or has the mirror been smashed to smithereens?

From the curiouser and curiouser side of the looking glass, we peer back toward the other side, what we thought we knew was really real. Eat me. Drink me. Fuck me. Get ten feet tall. Get really small. I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. That date is called November 3rd. Kill the Cheshire Rat before he disappears and nothing’s left but us without smile. Off with his head, the King must be dead, or locked the fuck up to end our dread.

I. Mangrey returning. Get ready to gimble.