It's A Doll's Life

Chrumpy

November 13, 2020

“Frankly, we did win this election.”
Donald Chrump, Nov 4, 2020

“No, you fucking did not.”
Ed Venture, Nov 5, 2020

“No, you fucking did not.”
80% of Americans, Nov 12, 2020

Remember Chucky? The horror movie about a doll come to life? For some reason – I never saw the movie, but it was hard not to know about it due to all the ads – Chucky ended up being a murderous psychopath with bizarre orange hair. Sound familiar? Our current outgoing president reminds me of Chucky, as he reportedly stomps around the West Wing alternately raging and moping as he mulls over his exit strategy.

Chrumpy is looking at literally dozens of court proceedings in New York City and the state of New York, as well as some number of federal crimes that may yet turn into indictments. Chrumpy is hold up in the West Wing pacing, moping, raging and soiling himself for over a week now. Unlike Chucky, Chrumpy is no doll. He is a real boy. And a real piece of work.

Chrumpy readies himself for attempts to remove him from office

Maybe Chrumpy really thought he won. After all, like an inanimate horror movie doll suddenly come to life, he is completely untethered from reality. Maybe Chrumpy really thought he had a legal leg to stand on, and would ultimately prevail in the courts on the strength of his imagined voter fraud. Voter fraud that his lawyers have now admitted, in court, under penalty of perjury, did not actually exist. It is apparently still difficult to prove in court the existence of something that does not exist. And apparently, Chrumpy’s lawyers, while they were willing to tell their client that they were prepared to go into battle on his behalf, were not willing to commit perjury in his name. What a shame for poor little Chrumpy. Someone change his diaper before it’s too late.

I. Mangrey recalculating.