Broken News

Milk And Kookies

February 15, 2022

Now that they’ve gotten rid of metal detectors, begun the critical task of allowing smoking in the Capitol, and made the House of Representatives officially stick their tongue out at socialism, Ratpublicans are finally ready to take the people’s business seriously.

Fortunately, they are able to multi-task.

While working diligently and relentlessly to crash the world economy by holding the Debt Ceiling hostage – in exchange for fucking up Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, free school lunches for needy children, and other cool stuff like that – Ratpublicans have taken up the vital issue of forcing schools to serve chocolate milk and other artificially flavored milk to children. You know, because sugar is so good for the developing brain and body, and you know, kids don’t have enough access to good quality sugar and artificial toxins if they can’t get it at school.

Fourth-highest-ranking House Ratpublican Elise Stefanik – the woman who

brought you “George Santos” – leading the charge to keep our kids sugared up

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled naptime.