February 18, 2023
Speaking of pathetic
losers, on-again-off-again Trump sycophant, Nikki “Nothing” Haley has
officially thrown her empty head into the ring to become the Ratpublican
presidential nominee in 2024…or Trump’s running mate, depending on which way
the foul wind is blowing when the time comes.
Haley announced her
intention on Valentine’s Day as a love letter to herself, and a threat to
sanity and reality. She previously served as Trump’s ambassador to the United Nations
and his executive ass-kisser. If anyone doubts Haley’s single-mindedness, here
is what she said in April 2021:
“I would not run if President Trump ran, and
I would talk to him about it.”
For the record,
Trump announced his intention to run in 2024 in November 2022. That would be
three months before Haley’s announcement and nearly two years after the above
quote. Perhaps Nikki has a problem understanding the arrow of time. Perhaps she
is a gutless worm. Or just an average Ratpublican.
Colicky Nikki
Haley kicked off her
doomed-to-failure campaign tying herself to money-grubbing pastor and
professional fucknut John Hagee, who Haley tagged to deliver the
invocation/obituary at her kick-off event. Hagee, you may recall gained
notoriety with his provocative (i.e., disgusting, hateful and decidedly
un-Christian) comments about Jewish people, Catholics, Hitler, and LGBTQ+
people.
After Hagee left the
stage Haley reclaimed the microphone and said, “To Pastor Hagee, I still say I
want to be you when I grow up.” And when might that be?
The putrid polecat pastor
claimed the Holocaust was a divine plan from God, Hurricane Katrina was God’s
punishment for Pride parades in New Orleans, and women are “only meant to be
mothers and bear children.” While Hagee has let all of this stand, he did
ultimately apologize for calling the Catholic Church “the great whore.”
Most candidates wait
until at least the second day of their campaign to shoot themselves in the face
(also known as the Reverse Cheney). No one can figure out why the hell Tricky
Nikki is running and she most certainly wind up begging Trump to be his running
mate before long.
Nonetheless,
everyone is anxiously awaiting the childish, impotent, misogynistic senseless
yet successfully degrading nickname The Orange Stain will bestow upon the
ex-governor of the great secessionist state of South Carolina – Haley’s Vomit.
Icky Nikki
While running for
governor of South Carolina – the state that brought you the Civil War – in an
interview with the pro-Confederacy group Sons of Confederate Veterans – is that
pro-Confederate enough for ya? – Haley was asked directly whether states have
the right to secede. Her answer was “I think that they do, I mean, the
Constitution says that.”
Judges?
No, I’m afraid the
idiot from South Carolina is incorrect Alex. In fact, she could hardly be more
incorrect. Unless she decided to run for president in 2024. That would be
embarrassingly and grotesquely incorrect. What’s that? She what? Oh my,
how unfortunate. One might feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such a flaming
hypocritical beeotch.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
happy thoughts.
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