Broken News

Too Much Talk, And Too Much More Talk

February 23, 2023

Okay, I admit it. I watch too much news. And the latest shiny object, or hot air balloon, if you prefer, is Emily Kohrs the foreperson from the Fulton County, Georgia grand jury that was deciding on indictments related to Donald “Frankly, we did win this election” Trump’s attempts to steal the election he still says he won.

Everyone knows that Trump (and others) pressured Georgia Attorney General Brad Raffensperger to find him 11,780 votes, which Trump (and everyone else who tried to pressure the AG) knew did not exist in the real world.

Kohrs, who should not be talking to anyone about her time on the grand jury at this point in time, is now showing up in more places than Herpes. She is doing interviews with anyone who has a mouth, an inappropriate question (which Kohrs thankfully did not answer) and a film crew.

My dear, departed cat Leo, in lieu of a picture of ditzy
Kohrs, who should still be unseen and unheard

While this is all possibly very exciting, it is just plain wrong. And she is just plain goofy. Kohrs admits to never having voted, and had no idea that Trump made that perfect phone call to Raffensperger – perfect evidence of guilt, that is. She also spoke glowingly of the very nice and forthcoming Lindsey Graham.

Best of all, she was absolutely smitten with meeting Rudy Giuliani, who she said caused her to pause in order to shake his hand and express her admiration, and who Kohrs found to be extremely thoughtful and honest during his testimony. Full disclosure: I’m betting Giuliani was one of the witnesses most jurors found to have committed perjury. 

Kohrs seems pleasant and innocent enough, her choice of heroes notwithstanding, but she was wrong to poke herself into the public eye before it was appropriate. Now too many pundits are trying to read into Kohrs’ enigmatic utterances, cutesy nods and winks. Personally, I am simply going to ignore every little hint, since when she says “It is not going to be some giant plot twist. You probably have a fair idea of what may be in there. I’m trying very hard to say that delicately.”

She also told one of the many interviewers, “I wanted to hear from the former president, but honestly I kind of wanted to subpoena the former president because I got to swear everybody in, and so I thought it would be really cool to get 60 seconds with president Trump, with me looking at him and being like do you solemnly swear…I kind of thought that would be an awesome moment.” So yeah, that happened. Did I mention that she could be the twin sister of the banjo boy from Deliverance? Did I? 

I have no way of knowing how someone who clearly has so little contact with what is going on – someone who absolutely gushed over Rudy Fucking Giuliani, and was simply giddy over the idea of subpoenaing Trump for her own jollies – could think what is obvious, is anything like what I think is obvious.

I will not count my indictments before they are hatched. Plus, an indictment is not a finding of guilt.

I remain nauseously optimistic.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled plot twists.