He Rode a Blazing Saddle*

Since He Won’t Go Away Quietly, We Must Continue to Insult Him

December 20, 2017

Roy Moore, now a week after his stunning albeit well deserved defeat at the polls, refuses to concede the race. He is still waiting for God to make him a senator. Literally. Since the voters did not. Someone should tell him how elections work. And sex crimes. And fraud. Speaking of fraud, did you know that besides all his other distinctive “qualities” Roy Moore acquired over a million dollars (not counting the hundreds of thousands he had funneled to his family) from his charity, the Foundation for Moral Law? The charity has “employed” two of his children and his wife. Moore said that he did not take a salary from the foundation, but what do you know, his non-salary for part-time “work” amounted to one million dollars – apparently not properly accounted for at tax time – between 2007 and 2012. All of this not-getting-paid seems to have bankrupted Moore’s little cash cow. He says his charity now owes him more than $500K in back pay. God must be so proud of him.

I am not sure exactly what Moore’s foundation does besides paying him and his family large sums of money. Very likely, it does important work like curing or killing gay people and matching up assistant district attorneys with available teens in their area. It is probably also involved in making sure voting is difficult, if not impossible, for Alabama’s non-white citizens.

Now Moore is trying to get his faithful idiots to send him more money to fund his non-existent vote recount. The only thing that will get recounted is the money they send him, which will be recounted into his bank account. I wonder if he also has a Jew accountant to go with his Jew lawyer.

*It wasn’t technically a blazing saddle; it’s just that it held a flaming asshole.

In other news of the mentally and morally defective…

Mueller’s Got Mail
            or
Adding Ignorance to Idiocy 

Chrump’s lawyers, who now number in the thousands, are up in arms over emails. And this time the emails do not belong to Hillary Clinton. Some of you may remember that Chrump was begging Russian hackers to illegally obtain Clinton’s emails in order to disclose them to the American public, most of whom were sick of her damn emails. Apparently, it is acceptable to Der Furor for the Russians to hack Clinton’s emails, but not for the American intelligence to legally obtain his. Chrump’s attorneys are claiming that Mueller obtained Chrump transition team emails, which by definition are the property of the American people, “unlawfully.”

The almost endless investigation of Hillary Clinton had once again reached the same conclusion it had reached countless times before – that there was not malfeasance. Chrump, on the other hand, is currently under investigation for conspiring with our enemy (some might consider this treason) to defraud the American public of a legitimate election, among other things.

I. Mangrey refreshing.