December 22, 2017
George Carlin was one of the 20th Century’s
greatest, most socially insightful comedians. Some of you might remember his Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television
from 1972. It was a great bit, in the spirit of the groundbreaking Lenny Bruce.
Just for the record – obviously I would never knowingly engage is such
inappropriate language – the words Carlin highlighted were: shit, piss, fuck,
cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Disgraceful, but poignant. These
words continue to be verboten, but it was apparently acceptable to air The Apprentice.
The 21st Century’s groundbreaking, unintentional
comedian/president, Donald Chrump is trying his hand at parody. One assumes. Since
Chrump already knows exactly what you can and cannot talk about grabbing on
television, he decided to try his hand at censoring government agencies. The indisputably
intentional authoritarian Chrump has already purged the agency formerly known
as the Environmental Protection Agency (now the Environmental Prostitution
Agency) of the phrase “Climate Change”. Der Furor’s latest attempt at
dictatorship/humor involves the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
(CDC), and is clearly an homage to George Carlin. Unsurprisingly, Chrump’s
sense of homage is intended more to humiliate than to honor. Behold Chrump’s Seven Words You Can Never Use in Official
Documents. Positively hysterical. And not the funny hysterical.
I guess I’m feeling a bit
hysterical myself. Can you tell?
The forbidden words are “vulnerable,” “entitlement,”
“diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”
George Orwell is saying, “I told you so”, in his grave.
Alternative phrases were provided for some of the banned
words. Instead of “science-based” or “evidence-based,” the suggested phrase is
“CDC bases its recommendations on science in consideration with community
standards and wishes,” the person said. In other cases, no replacements were
immediately offered. Our sources have learned that in place of “transgender”,
government agencies are to use the phrase “Bible-hating liberals pretending to
be something they’re not in order to disrupt our nation’s bathroom protocols”,
and to replace “fetus” with “very, very young children still living at womb”.
The word “diversity” will be replaced with “unauthorized religious or racial
variations destroying the God’s intended whiteness of the America Jesus created
by virtue of the original uninvited inhabitants of this great white land.”
In
addition, our highly placed anonymous alternative sources have uncovered a list
of soon-to-be forbidden words. Next on the Do-Not-Say List will be, “intelligence,”
“elections,” “Democrats,” “tiny-hands,” “CNN,” MSNBC,” “environment,” “Russian-interference,”
“sexual-harassment” and “Mueller”. Replacements for some of these words have
already been prepared for implementation. For example, “intelligence” will be
replaced with “fake thinking”, “environment” with “raw materials for making
corporations wealthier since we can’t possibly give them bigger tax breaks”. “Sexual-harassment”
will be swapped for “guys being guys and acting out locker room talk, so deal
with it girls”, and “Mueller” with “crazy conspiracy theorist who is now safely
locked up and won’t be causing any more trouble after he tried to hurt the all-knowing
and totally innocent Mr. Chrump.”
All I can say is shit, fuck, piss, crap, motherfucker,
Chrump. And I can assure you that I never watched one minute of The Apprentice.
I. Mangrey rephrasing.
Stay tuned for Paying Attention’s exciting predictions for
2018 (That’s still a thing, right?).
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