Chrump, The Cave-Man-in-Chief

Whiny, Weak-Kneed Wimp Welches on Worthless Wall

January 26, 2019

So much crazy, so little time.  Roger Stone’s pre-dawn arrest to keep him from destroying evidence.  The speculation about the phrase “a senior Trump Campaign official was directed to contact STONE about any additional releases and what other damaging information…regarding the Clinton Campaign” from Mueller’s office.  Roger Stone was pretty high up the fast-food chain, having been associated with Paul Manafort and Chrump for many years – the sleaziest three stooges you’d ever want to meet.  This of course begs the question – Who directed Stone?  There are very few (probably two or three at most) possibilities here, most of whom share the same surname – CHRUMP.  

 

Stone emerging from custody, as clueless as his old boss…


A “triumphant” Nixon leaving office one step ahead of the sheriff

As if that was not enough mind-bending news for one day, before the ink was dry on Stone’s bail document, the temporary end of the Chrump Wall-or-Nothing Shutdown was announced later that same day.  Did Chrump pick yesterday to finally surrender in order to distract us from another member of his inner circle being arrested with the stench of Russia clinging to him like copious spray on Chrump’s “hair”?  I know that every day in the Chrump administration brings a year’s worth of crazy, but yesterday is in the top five…for now.

And how exactly did Chrump’s Magical Misery Shutdown grind to (an at least temporary) halt?  As usual, the Orange Gas Cloud caved.  He folded in the face of opposition.  He waved a flag almost as white as the no-spray-tan-zone around his lying eyes.  Pelosi has been spanking him like an orange-hued stepchild since reclaiming her gavel, and the Speaker has prevailed once again.  This time Chrump tucked his not insubstantial tail between his legs, and ran from his beloved wall and shutdown. 

Fun fact: Roger Stone and Donald Chrump have been close for 40 years (Stone brought in Manafort, who in turn brought in Pence), and according to Manafort, Stone has been - presumably until yesterday - the most influential force in Chrump's political life.  It was Stone’s idea to plant the "build-the-wall" meme in Chrump’s tiny brain in order to remind the candidate to attack immigrants on a regular basis.  When the hateful idea caught on with the considerable racist base Chrump was attracting, he became obsessed with the word “wall” and with the ridiculous idea that Mexico would pay for it.  These fake spews became Chrump’s rallying cry and remains the raison d'être of Chrump and the very, very large racist wing of his base.

Chrump stood like a wilting weed waving in the wind in the Rose Garden and haltingly relayed someone else’s words, trying to spin his way out of his latest defeat.  Chrump looked so presidential, reading like a big boy, and seemingly not drooling on his very, very long tie, though everything near him turned the color of spray-tan and the grass beneath his feet burst into flames.  In any event, he caved without getting a penny for his petty, bullshit wall. Naturally, Chrump disavowed ever saying what he said so many times, “We do not need 2,000 miles of concrete wall from sea to shining sea, we never did, we never proposed that…”  Boy, is Ann Coulter going to be furious.  Rush Limbaugh is downing his oxycontin like M&Ms.

Chrump at his I-never-promised-you-a-wall, Rose Garden speech

Most likely, Chrump caved in order to reclaim his desperately-needed television time, typically referred to as the State of the Union.  Der Furor cares nothing for the SOTU, the country, or the office he holds hostage, but being on television is critical to his very existence.  To that end, Chrump and his Republican’t enablers have agreed to switch from temporarily shutting down the government to temporarily re-opening the government for three weeks.

Unfortunately for Baby Donny, Nancy Pelosi is not yet ready to schedule Donny’s TV time, “The State of the Union is not planned now.  What I’d said to the President was when the government is opened we would discuss a mutually agreeable date and I look forward to doing that and welcoming the President to the House of Representatives for the State of the Union when we agree on that mutually agreeable date.”

Naturally, Chrump is claiming that he won the shutdown.  Despite declaring victory, he made it clear that he reserves the right to kick his little feet, flail his tiny hands, turn redder-in-the-face and declare a national emergency over his beloved wall of unicorns if Congress does not come to Chrump’s senses by February 15.

“So much winning, the best people, build the wall…”

I. Mangrey re-opened.