Happy Resignation Day(s) - Day One

Happy Resignation Day One

August 8, 2019

Our coverage of the Resignation Day(s) festivities continues on this, Day One of the celebration of the beginning of the end of the ill-gotten presidency of Richard Nixon.  This is, of course the date when we all learned that we would have the cancer on the presidency removed.  Thankfully, this would not mean that we would not have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore.  That practice, at least in certain circles, continues to this day.  And well it should.

Those were simpler times.  Nixon was a vengeful, murderous megalomaniac, but he seems almost quaint in comparison to the Toxic Orange Gas Cloud within which this nation, and the entire global community now finds itself fighting for survival.

Watergate was characterized as “a third-rate burglary” by first-rate whack-job Nixon.  Tricky Dick was so paranoid, that he brought in a crew of imbeciles to break into his opponent’s headquarters, only to have them screw up royally.  The door they had duct-taped open at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, DC on June 17, 1972 was ultimately discovered and reported to police by night watchman Frank Wills – an American hero whose good deed did not go unpunished.  Wills lost his job over his excellent, and ultimately historic work.  Nixon lost his job only after his party realized that unless they jettisoned their leader, they would all go down with the shit.

The late, great Gil Scott-Heron

So many “gates” have come and gone since that fateful day in 1974.  Reagan’s Iran-Contragate – selling arms to Iran to fund Nicaraguan Contras, Clinton’s Monicagate – sex with a White House intern, Cheney’s Plamegate – outing a vital CIA operative as revenge for her husband’s truth telling, and countless lesser “gates,” all endeavored to ride the tattered, rotting coattails of Nixon’s Watergate.  Even today, we find ourselves embroiled in Don Chrump’s resurging Stormy-gate, his snowballing racist hate-gate, and his unrelenting Russia-gate – thanks to the allegedly alleged COLLUSION, conspiracy, connivance and corruption, of Donald Chrump, his namesake, his daughter, his son-in-law, his campaign manager, his personal attorney, several of his national security advisors, his attorney general, and countless others, several of whom are already in jail.

Our favorite gate here at Paying Attention is still the original, although admittedly, we have high hopes that Donald Chrump’s Impeachment-gate will be the greatest gate of all time.  Nothing could be more satisfying than ridding this land of the Orange Gas Cloud that threatens to suffocate us all.  I hope the Democrats will have the brains and balls to do to Chrump’s legacy what Der Furor has done to Obama’s.  Though nothing can replace Watergate and the Fall of Nixon, today’s imbroglio promises to be very, very special.  Believe me.  In any event, today we bring you some of the memories from Resignation Day(s) past.

High Hopes

Ed Venture
Editor-at-Lunch

2015

Thanks Ed. Always nice to have you sneak out from behind your very, very large and very, very real desk.  Always brings a tear to my eye and a snarl to my lip.  I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for 2015…

Once more it’s that season, and Obama’s still here
Watching those who’d replace him lurch into gear.
They’re angry and senseless, they screech and they bite

No need for good reason, they just like to fight.

Now Christie! Cruz, Kasich! Paul, Bush, Carson, Trump!
On, Rubio! On Walker! On, Huckabee! A great bunch of chumps!
They all come a tumbling from the zany clown car!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please dash away far!

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
For the chance to meet Clinton or Sanders for the big fight!

________________________________

2016

Thanks I.  We enjoyed your addition for 2015 I.  And what a year it has been since last Resignation Day(s).  Bernie made quite a splash and Chrump excited all the trash.  It was truly a campaign to remember, now it’s on to November.  So I will see your 2015 verses and raise you a few for 2016 (with reverence and apologies to Ogden Nash)…

Ed Venture
Mangling Editor, Paying Attention 

Once more it’s that season, Obama time’s near done
Each party’s wild primaries has narrowed to one.
Bernie lost to Hillary, but inspired revolution

Chrump bested all Republican’ts, and might end evolution.

Now East Coast, now West Coast, now swing states, Midwest!
Oh, Donald you suck it, tho you say you’re the best!
I never liked Clinton but I hope Chrump gets schlonged!
And goes back to his mirror, where’s he’s always belonged!

Let him talk, let him squawk, it’s politically suicidal,

Keep making voters nauseous, ere November’s decidal.

Keep insulting, and frothing, and hating, and screaming…
All the stuff of which anti-Chrumpers, tho pained are all dreaming!

Tiny hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest

If I never see your hair-thing or hear your voice again,
I know I will not miss your face, but I’ll feel much less pain
Go away oh Orange Putz, away and out of sight
Close your pie-hole, hide yourself, for once just do what’s right.
__________________________

2017

Hi folks, I. Mangrey here.

Well, that certainly did not work out the way most of the country – and the world – had hoped.  Now we are ensconced in the most bizarre, incompetent, chaotic shitshow of an administration since Caligula.  Unlike Chrump, Caligula is described as a noble and moderate ruler during the first six months of his reign.  After that, he ramped up the cruelty, sadism, extravagance, and sexual perversity, and is remembered as an insane tyrant.  Der Furor wasted no time, in fact getting a head start, with his later-day Caligula-like behavior.  One can only wonder with paralyzing dread what the (hopefully short) remainder of Chrump’s tenure will visit upon us all.  I suppose I need to have one more go at updating this venerable old verse for 2017 while I can still think straight…

Impeachment in the air, now Chrump makes us sick
It seems he might kill us, get rid of him QUICK!
He’s angry and clueless, he tweets from his toilet,
The craziest nonsense. Our country, he’ll spoil it. 

Now Jared! Ivanka, Pence, Sessions and Chrump!
On, Conway! On Bannon! Such miserable chumps!
They lie, they collude, they love Russia not us!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please leave in a huff!

Robert Mueller, grand jury – Oh please stop this lout
Get the dirt, make it public, then throw the bum out
Waste not one more moment, excise Donald Chrump,
And air out the White House, which he called “a Dump”.

The endless lies and insanity assaulting us all,

By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall.

So I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,

More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

___________________________________ 

Heck of a job Chrumpy. You’re #1…twice 

 

Tune in tomorrow as we wrap up this year’s festivities with some new stanzas for the occasion.  Hoping your holiday is happy, healthy and humorous.

 

The gang at Paying Attention. Good night and good luck.