Predictions, Prophecies,
Prognostications, Projections and Piffle
The End (of The Year) is (Mercifully) Near
Here
December 31, 2021
I Can See Next Year From Here
Well, here it
is. The final installment of what to expect in 2022. Well, according to some 60
percent of Americans we got ourselves a new president this past year. Even though
the last guy still refuses to admit defeat. Unfortunately, in democracies the
pathetic loser, even one who was impeached twice – once for colluding with
Russia to successfully steal a presidency, and once for accusing his opponent
of doing what he actually did, stealing the next election and then planning and
inciting a coup – is not rounded up along with his criminal cronies and thrown
in jail. Pardon us while we indulge in a little dream candy…
Some very fine people on both sides…of the bars?
Turmp and
fiends still have us gnashing our teeth, fighting to keep food down, losing
sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately prevail despite the unrelenting
and seditious efforts of its arch enemy – the Ratpublican Party, which is now a
wholly-owned subsidiary of Donald Turmp. Hopefully, it will attain a fate similar
to so many of Turmp’s other fraudulent business ventures.
Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor
July 21, 2022
Interactive Prediction
Choose your own Donald Turmp lies under oath prediction:
Pick a venue
A. Southern District of New York
B. Georgia
C. House Jan 6 Select Committee
D. Grand Jury, Washington, DC
E. International Criminal Court
Pick a topic
A. Decades of fraudulent business practices
B. His phone records are under audit
C. He never asked Georgia Sec. of State to manufacture votes
D. He never said COVID was a hoax
E. All of the above
September 24, 2022
Goon, But Not Forgotten
After lying to numerous judges, juries, news outlets and
even his most devoted, most gullible, most anti-intellect cult members, Donald
Turmp is finally found hiding in the same warehouse where Michigan school
shooter Ethan Crumbley’s parents were caught cowering. The elder Crumbley psychos
were attempting to avoid appearing in court, while their son languished in
prison. The Crumbleys, for enabling their mentally ill son’s killing spree by
purchasing their under-age son a gun for Christmas, giving it to him several
weeks early and ignoring warning signs that he was poised to commit mass
murder. Turmp, who already committed mass murder with his handling of the COVID
pandemic, was avoiding a series of subpoenas, both federal and various states –
some for financial crimes and some for plotting to overthrow the government he
once “led.”
Shut Him up! Shut him up! Shut him up! Oh, and lock him up.
November 1, 2022
The Dropouts
Five candidates across the country lauded as “very fine
people” by disgraced, twice-impeached ex-fake-president, who is currently
facing dozens of subpoenas for various crimes in several jurisdictions,
suddenly “suspended” their candidacies. Incredibly, all five – all angry, white
men – were alleged to have committed either physical or sexual assault on
spouses. Only two of these Turmp wannabes, used the
I-am-stepping-down-to-spend-more-time-with-my-family dodge to explain their
sudden, untimely departures from their races.
When their spouses were reached for comment, the two wives
who were tracked down having drinks together, told a reporter, “Yeah, we don’t
know whose family these assholes are planning to spend time with, but it sure
as hell ain’t ours.”
“Tell those assholes the two of us are moving in together and keeping both houses.”
November
25, 2022
I. Mangrey
And You’re Not
Despite worldwide efforts to revive him, 47 years later,
Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
November 30, 2022
Bleaching A Conclusion
Convinced they will fail to bring racism and discord back to
pre-Civil War levels, decide it’s time to show everyone how great Chrump really
was, hoping the Radical Left will finally realize what a stupid mistake they
made. Thousands of Chrump loyalists, despondent over the fact that their
man-baby was tossed out after a single term/tantrum, and worried they will be unable
to complete his mission to destroy American democracy by refusing to accept any
electoral defeats in the coming midterms, drink disinfectant en masse on TikTok
in order to keep themselves safe from the tyranny of masks and the coronavirus.
Most of them die quick, albeit horrible deaths, with very few views and no
likes. The survivors claim victory over the virus, wokeness, and Joe Biden.
December 31, 2022
This Will Have Been The Year That Will Have Been
We are predicting that the year 2022 will come to an end, at
midnight or there abouts. We are simply not stupid enough to even consider
predicting how. There is a non-zero percent chance that we will once again be
relieved to wring out 2022.
Out With
(ano)The(r) Bad Year, In With The Good
So, that’s it
for Paying Attention in 2021 and now we all know what to expect in 2022 – or at
least some of it. For now, sit back and pour yourself a beverage; a nice hot
cup of tea, a martini, maybe something from the hemp family. Whatever you do,
stay away from people. They can be very dangerous, sometimes maliciously,
sometimes inadvertently. Many of them are rife with disease. If you have to go
near people, make sure you are appropriately masked and try not to breathe. It
they are people you know, or if you are feeling brave, ask them to also
consider not breathing in your presence. However you roll, make sure you have
your Rent-a-Coma on hand, just in case. It’s flying off the shelves. And, you
never know when it might come in handy. For now, let’s party like we’re all in
quarantine and for now, forget the future ever happened.
From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King, and our research
and legal team:
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