Hark, The Herald Assholes Whining

Flinging Feces The Fifth

December 24, 2021

Nixon’s nitwits claimed to have been overzealous in their pursuit of squelching democracy after being caught trying to cover up the Watergate break-in. Their collective testimony was a riot of recollection. “To the best of my recollection…” was the favored phrase among the criminal rats scurrying to avoid jail time.

Today we have Turmp’s lackeys serenading the American public with a Fifth Amendment Festival in their hopefully futile attempts to save themselves and their brainless leader from getting plooked in the pokey (and maybe poked in the plooky). A number of coup-conspirators in the January 6 insurrection attempting to avoid a date with the Fifth, are simply refusing to show up for their subpoenaed testimony, preferring to take their chances with the somnambulant Merrick Garland Justice Department.

Turmp’s last chief-of-staff, super-genius Mark Meadows, who had just published The Chief's Chief, a book about his time serving at the foot of his beloved monster, handed over 9,000 pages of documents before recoiling in horror after his lard and master waggled his tiny finger at Meadows, at which time Meadows called his own book fake news, and told the congressional committee to book him a room at the Fifth Amendment hotel. Unfortunately for Meadows, one of the documents he bestowed upon the committee was a PowerPoint presentation entitled “How To Overthrow The Duly Elected Government of The United States... For Dummies” – or something like that. This, it seems is still  frowned upon in certain circles. How was he to know? I wonder if, after all is said and done, Meadows will write a book about his time served.

Meadows and Turmp in happier times

Rep. Jim Jordan was outed as a coup-conspirator who tweeted fellow traitor and Turmp lackey Mark Meadows in support of having Mike Pence illegally obstruct the certification of the 2020 election. He will be pleading the Fifth very shortly…if he shows up.

Jim-Jordan - When he's not busy protecting

sex offenders, he’s busy treason texting

Everything’s Bigger In Texas…Especially The Stupidity

It also appears that long-time dumbass Rick Perry (one of the top three leading dumbass governors of Texas – and its longest serving) texted fellow dumbass Mark Meadows the day after Turmp got his over-sized ass handed to him in the November 3^rd election:

“HERE’s an AGRESSIVE [sic] STRATEGY: Why can t [sic] the states of GA NC PENN and other R controlled state houses declare this is BS where conflicts and election not called that night) and just send their own electors to vote and have it to the SCOTUS.”

The only reason Perry is suspected of sending this text? It came from his personal phone. I’m guessing Perry was not wearing the glasses he thought made him look (but obviously not think) smart when he put this together and then decided to hit ‘Send’. Second-grade F-student spelling and grammar aside, why does Rick Perry hate democracy? Is it his medication? His pea-sized brain? We may never know.

And who can forget when Perry said, “Make no mistake, Donald Trump’s candidacy is a cancer on conservatism, and it must be clearly diagnosed, excised, and discarded.”? Apparently, Rick Perry can.

Roll Away The Stone

Another very fine Turmp “friend” and con…fidant Roger Stone, the first high-profile insurrectionist to actually appear in front of the January 6 Committee in response to a subpoena, did what every innocent witness always does. He invoked the Fifth Amendment. Stone, a professional scumbag and inveterate liar, and very close advisor to Turmp, insisted that invoking the Fifth in no way implied that he was guilty of anything. One would be wise to ask, “When has Roger Stone ever not been guilty of something?” Stone, you may remember was pardoned by Turmp, one assumes for not doing anything. Pelosi called Stone’s pardon “an act of staggering corruption.” Funny thing though, accepting a pardon means, by its very nature that one was guilty of whatever one was pardoned for. Stone was indicted for lying to Congress about his efforts to swindle the American public into electing Turmp.

I believe it was one Donald J. Turmp himself who said, “If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?”

I. Mangrey rejoicing. “It’s a republic, ma’am, if you can keep it.”*

*Benjamin Franklin, when asked what kind of government he helped bring forth on this continent