Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle
The End (of The Year) is Near
December 29, 2021
Where We Will Have Gone From Here
It is time to pick up where we laughed
off. Hopefully, you are sufficiently soused, fittingly fried, tenuously
toasted, or otherwise appropriately altered as 2021 melts away like Greenland’s ice
sheet and America’s
democracy. If you had already started your Rent-A-Coma experience and are not seeing
this in a timely manner, welcome back – I hope you are feeling refreshed, or at
least blissfully unaware of any of the disastrous depredations that occurred
while you were “out.” In any event, welcome to Part II of our annual three-part
series on the way it will be in 2022. Buckle up, good chance of turbulence,
and definitely some Turmpulence and his verbal flatulence ahead.
“It makes me mildly nauseous to think we
might have had some impact on the election.”
James Comey May 3, 2017
“What do you mean we, white man?”
Ed Venture December 28, 2021
January 21, 2022
State Of The Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Actual President Joe Biden, delivers the State of The Union
after completing his first year in office, despite those who claim he was never
elected, and belongs to a baby-eating pedophile ring headquartered in the
basement of a pizza shop that has no basement. Though Biden began with great energy,
insisting he was still going to make a deal with the recalcitrant Joe Manchin
and his twisted side-kick Kyrsten Sinema, and touting the importance of beefing
up voting rights, he did not last long. Fortunately, Speaker Pelosi and VP
Harris caught on quickly and woke him by loudly applauding while he was still
on his feet.
More An Assumption Than A Prediction
Donald Turmp lies to a grand jury. Pick one. Pick a topic.
April 12, 2022
The Mouth Shall Rise Again
On the anniversary of the First Battle of Fort Sumter, a rabid
crowd of MAGAts, determined to mollify Daddy Turmp’s Big Lie, launch one more
attempt at taking over the United States from the majority of its citizens.
Thinking it is the true seat of power, and unable to get within a hundred miles
of the actual Capitol, the wayward throng attempts to take over Fort Sumter –
now essentially a tourist attraction off the coast of South Carolina.
“The first attack on this fort was a great day for America.
It was a cry for freedom. Today, our Gray Pride Movement is saying we want to
be free from vaccines and masks. Back then the best Americans wanted to be free
from not being allowed to own slaves. It’s hard to tell which is worse. This
nation was founded on the God-given right to own slaves. How else could we have
built such a great nation without slaves. We didn’t have no Mexicans back then.
Slaves was all we had to do the work that whites were too good to do. We are
here today to tell the world that we are here to win. Just like they did back
in the day, right here at the Capitol – Fort Sumter. The great slave owners of
America were finally free. The great war to protect slavery. The great Robert
E. Lee finally obtained a great victory when he surrendered to Ulysses Grant in
Philadelphia, or wherever. After today, Donald Turmp and the South shall rise
again. This flag I’m holding is the one that marched proudly through the
Capital last January 6, when the great patriots took over our Capitol to make
America great again, just like when the traitor Abraham Lincoln was removed peacefully from office.
August 10, 2022
Joe Manson
West Virginia Senator Joe Machin finally comes out of hiding
after having disappeared for several months. He says he has been reborn to help
win the race war. Claiming he now wants to be known as Joe Manson, he hints
that after much internal deliberation he is ready to vote for President Biden’s
signature legislation, the Build Back Better Act. “I just spent six long months
in deep contemplation. I stopped listening to the voices from the coal mines
and listened only the voices coming directly from inside my head. They all
agreed about what it is I must do to save the world and they are not to be
questioned.”
Old King Coal once again took to Fux News to make the big announcement. As you may recall, Manchin last took to the friendly Ratpublican confines of Fux to inform everyone that he could not support this terrible bill that dared attempt historic help for needy Americans and even token help in fighting the relentless human recklessness behind Climate Catastrophe. Though Manchin had earlier teased his big announcement, it turned out to be nothing like what folks expected.
Nap Time
Go and have a nap or a concussion,
maybe some Prozac or a quick round of Rent-A-Coma. There is a good chance
Part III is coming soon. Get ready for the end of 2020 Part II, aka 2021. We’ve got the
Magic 8 Ball in overdrive – we asked again later, survived countless hazy
replies, and celebrated a surprising number of “Signs point to yes”. These
are not fake predictions.
Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it gets away.
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