COVID Donny
It turns out that our
ex-Super-Spreader-in-Chief was waddling around, knowingly
positive with COVID-19,
spreading his “cheer” with hundreds of people. He lied about his status while
attending numerous events, belching lies and inanities to reporters on Air
Farce One (one of whom came down with the Turmp virus days after being
face-to-orange-face with Turmp), and engaging Joe Biden in a live debate. Just days
after this debate, Donny Dearest ended up on life support, surviving COVID
only after receiving treatments beyond what anyone else could access.
And who can forget this inspiring moment in
presidential history…
“And I tested very
positively in another sense, this morning. I tested positively toward negative,
right? So I tested perfectly this morning. Meaning I tested negative. But
that’s a way of saying it: positively toward the negative.”*
Donald Stupid-Fucking Turmp, May 21, 2020
We learned that COVID Donny tested
positively toward the positive – or is it negatively toward the positive? – three
days before his debate with Biden from a new book by Turmp’s final chief-of-staff,
who some have described as the worst presidential chief-of-staff in history,
Mark Meadows.
Turmp originally had this to say about
Meadows’ new tome:
“The Chief's Chief would make an
incredible Christmas present, and with United States supply lines totally dead,
and with thousands of ships having no way of unloading because of incompetent
leadership, you will have no other thing you can buy anyway. Seriously, it's a
fantastic book, and Mark Meadows and his wonderful wife Debbie are great
people.”
It is of course, beyond
unlikely that the all-but-illiterate Turmp even opened up a copy of Meadows’
book, and after people who actually read the book learned of COVID Boy’s
attempted-murderous exploits, the Infectious One had this to say about Meadows’
“incredible Christmas present”:
“The story of me
having COVID prior to, or during, the first debate is Fake News.”
Several of Turmp’s
staff ultimately tested positive, as did a number of Secret Service agents
forced to spend time around COVID Donny. You can be sure we will never know
how many of them perished as a result.
Turmp probably killed Herman “Awww Shucky Ducky” Cain and put Chris Christy near death. Perhaps most on-brand of all, when he finally had no choice but to admit he was (physically) ill with the virus that should, by all rights bear his name, Trump later lied that he probably got COVID from veterans and police officers and Gold Star families at one of the events after he already tested positive because they came “within an inch of my face sometimes, they want to hug me and they want to kiss me.” First of all, ewwwww, second, bullshit.
So, when Turmp was
throwing MAGA hats into crowds at his COVID-infested rallies, was he doing the
same thing that white settlers did when the handed smallpox-laden blankets to
the Indians? Did he personally cough into each hat before bestowing them upon his adoring idiots? I guess some serial killers are just not picky about who they
target.
*No Don, that is not a way of saying it. It must be difficult keeping all
your lies straight, what with the syphilis eating away at your very, very large
uh-brain.
UPDATE: Donny recently declared that he
wants to debate members of the January 6 committee. Has he just tested positive
for COVID again?
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled negative positivity.
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