Extremely Broken News: New Year’s Eve Edition

They Shoot Idiots, Don’t They? No? Maybe They Should.

December 31, 2021

As if we needed one last thing to make sure we kick another soul-smashing year to the heavily-trafficked curb. I thought I would be taking the night off, but alas neither news nor nitwits allow.

A moron breached an off-limits area after the zoo had closed for the day, then went the extra mile to shove his arm through a fence, extending his arm into the wrong side of the tiger enclosure with very expected results. The endangered Malayan tiger, Eko saw the meat stick for what it was – a late-night snack attached to slow-witted prey.

Eko – cut down in his prime for trying to rid the world of one more idiot

Police were summoned and ended up putting the wrong creature down with a single shot. There is no way this irresponsible idiot’s life was worth more than the very dependable cat.

Oh, and this...

Another endangered species faces extinction:
Doomsday Glacier – has a nice ring to it

Don’t look up. Don’t look down. Don’t look now. Don’t worry, these climate models are always wrong. They always get updated to show it’s much worse than they previously thought. Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em. If you ain’t got ‘em, go out and get some.

And Lastly…

Television trailblazer and icon, and animal welfare advocate Betty White passed away today, to put an egregious exclamation point on another year that will not show up in my scrap book.* White would have turned 100 this coming January 17^th.

Betty White (Jan 17, 1922 – Dec 31, 2021)

I’m going to bed now to avoid finding out anything else until next year.

*I actually do not have a scrap book.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Extremely Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled revelry…and gnashing of teeth.